Monday, January 9, 2012
Chapter 258:
at 22:08
You make me
But, I'm scared of becoming irrational, & scared of everything else, basically.
& I lack so much faith and belief.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Chapter 256:
at 22:09
Think girls always have a tendency to get carried away by feelings.
And I just wanna remind self to not be someone weak and be like this.
Never give benefit of doubt to people you are unsure of.
Only do so because you know them and their positive feelings towards you, because they deserve it.
Not because you would love for them do such a thing, not because you want them to deserve it.
By doing so, the person victimized is only yourself, cause you builds so much hope and expectation on air.
& if they crash and you get hurt, you have no one else to blame but yourself for being so foolish.
.
That aside, I find striking a balance difficulty. How to maintain neutral ground or to be in a desirable middle stage when life and one's feelings are so complex?
.
Stop when you still have a clear head & is still rational. Don't play w fire & see when you'll fall head over heels without any qualms.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Chapter 255:
at 18:25
I should be studying BizLaw.
But aye, just have some thoughts & reminders I hope I'll remember in the future so here I am.
(My blog suddenly sees an influx of posts by me; this always happens when it's the exam/studying period. Search me, maybe the brain's just more intellectually stimulated.)
Today's Qi's birthday & Ruzz and I planned a surprise for her!
It went well & she's pleased.
Also made a card for Joson since it's his 21st birthday tomorrow.
Suddenly realised that as I grow older, birthdays somehow evolved into something people attend, & also buy presents/treats you to dinners.
We somehow get lazier w efforts.
But today, seeing Qi & Joson pleased w the effort, I just got reminded of the importance of small gestures.
& that this applies to everyday life.
What's so troublesome about bringing a smile to someone else's face? & really, I think by doing so, one becomes happier too, seeing that smile you worked for.
Since I always felt that life = happiness/bring happiness, I should be motivated to do small acts hur.
*note to self*
.
These few days, even though I thought of d more often than when swamped with work, I also spent more time with my family. & I feel so loved & blessed.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Chapter 254:
at 21:36
Someone asked me on my views towards euthanasia today.
I thought of d (tho the issue is hugely irrelevant), & I choked. I replied that it's fine because the family, who loves the person, should be able to be given the right to say yes/no.
& all I thought about was how one would be unhappy, being trapped in a shell that just wouldn't move & that a person who's pro-active and spontaneous in living would literally rather die than be in such a state.
& I remembered that I had some thoughts on euthanasia a few months ago. Rummaged through tumblr & found this:
& now I know why euthanasia should not be legalised.
How about you didn’t mean to die?
How about it was a wrong decision which you realise 1 second before?
How about the mere reason - you wanted to live.
.
What differing viewpoints. And both came from me.
Surprising hur.
(Goes to show how controversial this issue is since I can't even have a consistent view myself)
And the thing is, I'm not being contradicting 'cause the reasons cited was so different.
& that's how scary human is.
We presume we are doing what is best for someone when in fact, are we even privy to the deepest thoughts one has?
.
I wanted to tell my friend about d after answering this question.
& I was kinda glad 'cause it would be the first uni soul to know.
'cause I never seem to be able to have the courage to say it, or the courage to ruin an atmosphere.
I was determined tt it's time, & then the moment passed.
.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Chapter 253:
at 22:49
I started school feeling very apprehensive about friends & the friendships made/will be formed.I remember I kept questioning RuYi/Kristie, how well do new friends know me, & vice versa.
Coming to 19 years, I just kept thinking how could they say they know me when they missed out on so much. & to not have experienced anything with me.
I admit, I was biased. Having been through a rough patch, I couldn't understand how they could say they "know me" when I even deliberately commit sin of omission 'cause it just wasn't time to let it out, & that it would just make things awkward.
And this just struck me in the head:
It does not matter how much of my past they do not know. Any past event that would have mattered would already have been internalised into me, & as long as they do know me, it doesn't really matter, does it?
They may have never seen/heard me wept, but incidents which I wept over taught me lessons that became guiding principles of my life, and essentially who I am.
& perhaps, I should just stop over-thinking things. HAHAHAHA.
But anyway, conclusion: As long as they are true to you, it's fine.
As contrast to "friends" who only use you when they see the need, it's doesn't seem to matter very much, aye?
And I think I should promise myself to not let myself be used again.
But sometimes, I wish I could just tell them, don't come looking for me when you need my help, 'cause you know what? Once I see you as a friend, not a mere acquaintant, I find it extremely hard to say no. & why do you have to abuse this right then?
.
