Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Chapter 8:
at 23:40
Dear friend,
Thank you for listening to me on the way home today.
I really felt rather overwhelmed last week when I felt that no one can comprehend me but I didn't want to tell anyone in the team 'cause of sensitivity issues.
But, after letting out to you, I felt a lot better.
Moreover, after training on Monday, I came to a realisation.
It doesn't matter which type of starting I had, I just had to know I have to push to finish with you guys.
That's my goal for now.
Though, it's undeniable that I feel ): and rather unjustified, but I know I can't do anything to affect his decision.
So I will just have to wait.
Meanwhile I just have to ensure that I get stronger.
I wanted to attempt to speak to him, but I feel that misunderstandings will arise.
So, I let it go.
What more can I do?
But, I'm not doing this unwillingly, 'cause I'm proud and happy to be a part of all of you.
It's just not time for me.
Everything happens for a reason, I know that I'm unaware of the reason, & definitely feels saddened by the event.
But, I just have to trust him, else, who can I trust now?
I had felt defeated and discouraged, feeling that all I've done have gone to waste.
But, I beg to differ now.
Sigh, I'm 80% optimistic now!
The 20%..well, it's inevitable.
I find myself dreading the 'verdict', and I cannot be as relaxed now.
Perhaps, it's a blessing in disguise because I found out that there's still so much space for me to push into.
At least that I know that canoeing's practically my life now.
(:
.
When I was young, I used to sit on the couch, and looked at the clock, waiting for minutes to passed just to catch a glimpse of the clock hand moving.
('cause I could never understand why the clock moves without me catching it at work, and I was rather proud of myself to watch the clock moving)
Now, I doubt I have such luxury to just watch thing happen because I want to.
Life is not as idle and luxurious as I want it to be.
But, with such races against time, I find myself working hard.
Time, is an essential part of my life without me realising.
I lose it; I race for it.
I whine, because I have a lack of it.
I run and sprint at the last hundred metres to see a lower timing.
I use it to gauge my im/deprovements.
Time..simple yet complex
:/
2 years, long or short?
It all depends.
I thought that 2 years would be hard to survive.
Guess what, a quarter of it has passed.
I always though I will die(or just faint from sheer exhaustion) from running.
But it's just 2/3 more minutes.
& yet I felt it's so looooong.
Today, getting back my Math Blocks, I realise I really have no time to lose.
Trainings will ONLY get tougher, I am so not going to live in self-delusion.
Mrs Sim's kind-hearted comment and expectation made me felt that I've let her down.
:/
It's time to get started.
Talk gets me nowhere.
(:
WHOOSH!
:D
Newer Posts
