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Monday, July 19, 2010
Chapter 64:
at 04:55

You know, how I mentioned that I skipped to the last of the book just to know the ending:

At this very moment, I wished I could skipped right to mine.
I wished to know who would be there for me at the very end, & who have stayed on in my life.
Who were not worth the fight, & did I become who I want to be.

I once thought of going to those fortune tellers, but I think it too frightening, 'cause there's always the saying that once told, your life will never be the same again.
& it's always wrong to get the sneak preview.

But you know, I'm just too curious for my own good.
& I sometimes want to know who to treasure, who not to.

Which thus may suggest that it may not be a good thing for me to know at all.
'cause somethings are worth the fight though the end may not be what I had in mind.
(& I may not hold on tight enough if I know that it would not have changed anything)

But at moments like this (5am again, what's wrong with me.), I just wished to know more & to cheat a little.
To know who will love me, & who I will love;
& how I am as a grown-up leading my own life.
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