Friday, October 29, 2010
Chapter 121:
at 01:12
I actually thought to do this:
Go up to you, and say "Hi, I'm Jia Le, nice to meet you."
& restart everything, maybe 'cause I can't cope with the gnawing sense of guilt for being so cynical.
Then, Pat reminded me (unknowing to this scheme of mine) that some people never do change & live their life that way.
E.g. Pat & I will always be UNTIDY, nothing's gonna change it, unless we'll die as a consequence. What more, untidiness is OUR way of life.
As do secrecy, and manipulation, and optimism and expressing one's thoughts.
Such acts and principles may hurt/inconvenience some people in the process, but unless that party means a lot to you, you will not change.
One pride oneself over others, fact of life; it's just simply a survival mechanism.
Hence, one tends to resist changes, unless circumstances force them to not.
Sudden revelations don't come easily.
(If it does I would have been studying my ass off 3 months ago.)
What more I believe in finding love and partners (inc. friends), one do not think of the other party, but for yourself.
Like how guys tend to seek out beauties as it's a reflection of their self-worth and capability, and females are attracted to wealth and status as it's a means to security.
Sure, making friends and finding love seems like a natural process that doesn't require much thought.
To me, that is.
I believe, some tend to weigh pros and cons before selecting.
Same with spouse.
You can't fault them; they are given an array of choices.
& when given alternatives, what do we do?
We decide what's best for us - ourselves.
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I wanted to believe, again.
But have now decided against.
This post will serve to remind me if I start to waver.
TOHJIALE, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE.
Once bitten, twice shy. What more at least thrice.
However, if your claim turn out to be true, good for you, good for people around you currently.
I'll just take it that I've done some good deed to mankind (and negate the truckloads of bad karma I've accumulated along the years.)
If not, good for me to not believe.
Of course, I hope for the former.
But most importantly, I'm moving on.
Moving on from the bad past, and not act like a needy ex-girlfriend anymore.
Because, you have already long done so, & because, it's time to loosen the shackles which I had bound to myself.
(This is in agreement that one does thing for benefit of oneself.)
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I'll still smile and wave and greet you.
Because that's simply, basic courtesy to acknowledge we're at least acquaintance.
Forgive if I'm unable to do more than that.
But just see it as another self-preserving technique.
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I hope that I'll still be able to have the capacity to be less cynical and accepting towards other.
But optimism is my forte, so it shouldn't be a problem.
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Much love to people who care. Newer Posts
