Whoa, I'm very tired.
Too tired to properly post, therefore I did not post.

I started work on Monday, & it was a very undemanding day, with me doing some admin/logistics tasks.

Yesterday had tuition after work.

Today had orientation w new kids (THEY ARE SO CUTE.) & tuition afterwards + dinner w my darling Pat.

YAWNS.

.

I have many thoughts on autism, and have learnt a lot just by interacting w them for an hour but shall elaborate when I am more lucid.

I feel like I'm letting this blog slowly rot away & I feel immense guilt to self & to blog (though I'm aware it's a non-living thing).

Anyway, was recently contemplating what's life all about.

To me, I think it's just to better self.

But recently, I've been meeting walls, or rather crashing into, in some aspects.
& I feel stifled, while being rather hopeless to the point of being neutral already.

You know, the exasperation at how things can't be restarted while being aware that all these are in fact consequence of your past actions.

Sigh & I don't really have an outlet to elaborate in details, but just to tell y'all there's in fact a part of me in a mess.

& new year's coming.

I should get to work on my organiser + new year resolutions.

♥.

Hope y'all had a nice christmas.

Back from chalet.

& I only wish to say thank you.
To everyone of you who made it possible & made me less helpless.
Thanks, & much love, as always.

Am at a lost of what to exlain, what to say.
All I want to say is that I'm more than fine, 'cause of the love y'all give me.

& last but not least, I'm 18.

I wish sincerely, that next year will be a great year for me & that fresh starts will not be as daunting as the one I had when I first entered HwaChong, 'cause it goes to shows that I've grown & can handles such situations better.

& also, to manage my emotions better & not get too overwhelmed.

Somehow I think I screwed up my wishes yesterday night, but oh well, I think wishes only do come true when you work hard for it.

& that's all for now.






Will be away for chalet for the next few days so may not be posting.

Anyway, I was chancing upon blog of S.
The most recent post echo my feelings on trust.

Apart from white lies, what are the reasons behind each lie? I find it very scary how you just keep telling one lie after another. - S

& in turn it's ironic how I will not know the person this message is intended for, yet feel so deeply for it.

And the ultimate?

S will never realise that the person who affected me so deeply on my take on trust, my disbelief at this said person's morals (or lack thereof) & the umpteen times she lied to me, is in fact someone she trust so much.

Funny, isn't it?

How different people educate others in so many ways, and how some are so blinded to sides of others unknown to them & hold them in such high regard.

Or rather, how blinded one is of one to not realise that sweet promises are not everything in life.









Note to self:
Do not whine for him/her who has not been there, but appreciate that there is someone special & unique who wants to be there for you.
& no one can fit that role 24/7, thus the magnitude of the world's population, else we'll just be 2-man strong, no?

(I don't care, it is logical to me.)






Yesterday night, when i was about to sleep, lying on my pillow, the mighty brain got a sudden revelation:


There should be no whining, 'cause it's just self-obsession that everyone got.

'cause nobody's willing to wear shoes that don't fit & gives you blister consistently, no?

& let's just give thanks for all that there is.

Love.

Sometimes, when you're not careful & don't juggle your balls properly, be extremely careful of the consequences.
One of them (the ones you're not staring at carefully) may just dropped and roll off.

It may well roll and stop at your feet, or just roll & disappear.

I doubt in this case it'll be the latter.

But well, I was thinking, i) how long does it take for it to fall, & ii) how long will you wait before you pick it up.

Merely thinking about some not very positive stuffs.


.


Sometimes, logical excuses to you just don't seem logical enough to me.
Well, if I attempt to stand in your shoes, I totally find it logical, to you, that is.

But really, I'm in mine.

You whine about the loss of a few hours in the face of a whole day.
But look at it this way, I have nothing for you to have additional hours, no?

Does it seem very logical now put into such perspectives?

.


& I'm thinking, whether life is about X number of people.
In one comes, out another goes.

Maybe, 'cause someone re-entered my life recently, and I feel the sting of another moving out.
& I feel I'm out of this person's, 'cause of the entry of another.

It's part & parcel in life, and I know the limits of 24 hours, and priorities.

But really, it stings, I don't deny.

Let's just suck it up & move on.






Had dinner w Darling Lu & Pat today!

I have always belived that things happen for a reason.
While I genuinely am not gloating over your plight, can I tell you I'm actually celebrating in my heart?

At least, you've finally taken the leap. It may not be graceful, neither has it been without a few stumbles initially, but alas, you've taken off.

At least, you've come to realise that I sincerely want to be part of your life.

At least, I know I am capable of touching you.
(Teehee, not the literal sense.)


& really, perhaps, you're just cleaning up the nest for the next bird to rest.
(IT RHYMES, BABY!) ; mighty proud of myself.


I don't mind how long you take, or how long you had wasted.
As long as you're genuinely trying, I take joy & pride.

& don't lose faith 'cause believe, you deserve better.









It was darling YiXian's birthday on the 16 Dec, & once again an almost team gathered to celebrate the occasion!

Dear girl, I can't re-emphasise how much I meant it when I say that I'm happy to celebrate your 18, and will gladly relish in the opportunity to celebrate your 80 with you.
(Of course, this would signify that I do not die from some cancer/diabetes/stroke/heart attack, so therefore makes me extremely willing!)

While we may not be the closest of any, I thank you for being my t1 partner, & it's cool you are indeed my partner thought we've never officially shared ONE boat.

YiXian!!

.


& I met a my pretty girl & a handsome dude who was scouted by some model agency hur.
It's my absolute pleasure, just that I wish some people aren't so painfully shy.
:p


.

I actually wanted to post yesterday, but the Internet crashed (at least in my house, that is) when I was about to upload pictures.
Then I decided to transfer to thumbdrive to do it at fish farm (like, just now?) but in my sleepy state I forgot all about that!

So well, now I'm comfortably seated back home after a super filling lunch, I should get to work!

.

Out w LiJun on Mondayyy, 13 Dec!

Nua-ed at Secret Recipe after walking for a little while!




.

Cleaned up room (alas!) + dinner at Thai Express w NguanHan, Brian & WeeKiat + Monopoly deal on Wednesday!

& stayed over at lovely Pat's house!


.

Town w my absolute favourites - Pat & TingYan! ♥♥♥





.

& this explains why I haven't been posting 'cause I find that I'm really ageing & thus becoming less able to sustain consecutive outings for a few days.


And I'm very disappointed w self for not reading! :(

It's ironic, but I'm actually incurring sleep debt for this period.
GRAH.
:(








*I am not supposed to reveal to much till the week is over!
But those who's close will know what I am rambling about!*


When I saw the email, my heart literally skipped.
♥

Happy 18th Darling! ♥

Teehee, photos!
Lazy to elaborate, except that it's an attempted rape & an informal team gathering! ;)







I hope she grows taller!

Off for a movie w LiJun! It's a date, baby! (:





Sigh, true.

Sometimes I feel guilt over the slightest things.

Like, delibrately being impatient w someone else.
Or being snappish.

Well, the quotes doesn't really reflect whatever I am feeling currently.

But it makes me ponder more, that's all!

Do you understand?

Sometimes, things are simply not measured in years nor length of time.
Be it your maturity, depth of feelings, fragility of friendship.
None of these are of any consequence, though time indeed allows for more communication.

In certain sad (but often seen) situations, time even serves as the function which allows for divergence between individuals.


To me, growing up is not simply an increase in age; it's a improvement in maturity.
When one grows up, one bids farewell to idealistic notions & all the stupid fairy tales which do no exist in the real world.

Sure, girls are always entitled to be more dreamy & less practical, this I agree & sometimes too succumb to.
But I believe, growing up entails one making room for rationality, in place of mere ideas which will never come true.

It serves to allow one to strike a balance between ideals and practicality.

& one which just holds on to idealistic notions, and shut off the real world, is merely an escapist growing old but not growing up, no?


& I detest the presence of such individuals 'cause it's frickkin' shallow.
More so 'cause you're like a little kid living in an adult body, which should not be the case.

Little boy and girl should make way for mature grown-ups.
That's how I see it.


Yet, regardless of how stifled and exasperated I feel, when a friend is of such nature, I won't grumble, merely 'cause it's a friend.


But really, when the limit is breached, it's ridiculous for me to continue to tolerate anything that I do not expect of any new acquaintance I meet.


U, you must know, I'm not escaping your sms/question.
Give me some time to organise my thoughts, or rather, give us some time to organise our thoughts.
Not that we're incoherent or unclear of what we want.

But rather, respect is still underlying in out communications, & we will never want to hurt you with harsh words.

& really, the nagging thought is, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?

This struck a chord w me, especially:

So, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.

I believe.

.


Teehee, had a great time w TingYan at her house. (playing Monopoly Deal)
Just pure good company & time wasting, but bonding session!

Jiayou for exams darling!
(:

I totally need to sleeeeeeep!

Anyway, short summary!

1. Home!


2. Woodlands to meet w Xuan, Fly & Jia


3. Treetops (service apartment near Shangri-La)


4. Shangri-La for prom


5. Chijmes for beer w Xuan, Fly, Jia, XiuHui, HoiMan & Deborah!


6. Back to Treetops w 7h!


7. YeXun cooked breakfast for class! ;)


8. Mahjong w WeiEn, Joyce & Jamie


9. Dinner w Pat ♥

>30 hours later, I'm finally back home.
Alas, alas!

So good night everyone!



Caught a movie with some classmates at Cineleisure!

Easy A : The female lead is quite a looker!

Why when I send an invitation, the first response I get is : Who else is going?

Is it that important?

You are just finding excuses to reject me, no?

*irritated beyond words*

A simple yes or no will suffice.

Don't need tell me feel like, want to.
Cut the crap; get to the point.

If I have to apologise, it would be that I gave more chances to her than you.
While you deserve nothing less than her (in fact, more), it's more about me.

Just because I'm protecting myself now, while not being unfair to others.
Just because I am more sick & tired of unhealthy relationships.
& 'cause I'm much more a cynic now.

Merely this, I have to apologise for.
Sorry for using your chances on her.

Because, now I see myself, without much breadth to allow errors from others.
& no longer do I brush things aside when I am set aside so carelessly.


.


It's not pivotal on a word. No, I was never the one particular about any word.

& what if you know the friend will not listen to you?

Most importantly, let the "ducks" waddle out of it.

As I grow older, I become more logical & rational.
& I proud of it.

It's merely experience that makes me more hardy.

I know, at least I've grown.
& I know, it's the least people that gave up on me, people I gave up on, have given me.

With this insight, I smile.

Because, something good comes out of everything, even things which do not last.
Even things which are fleeting, no?

I am at peace.

I feel guilty for making such decisions, but really, when haven't I for doing things which I know might hurt others, but might benefit myself in the long run.
Even in the cases of friends who will continually hurt me.
Even when I struggled hell when it's cases like this.

It's like history coming true, just w different conditions and persons.

But eventually, I lose.

No?

.


One should never push the limits.

With understanding comes greater tolerance.
But one should keep in mind, no matter what, there's a limit.

Especially in ludicrous situations.

& again, I can only take joy in that you'll become better, as a final gift to you.

.


Food for thought.

Do we as humans, often take love from others and stuff it down others' throat, when they do not need it?

For example, love of a mother is endless towards a child.
But the child, will no doubt experience occasion when it pass the love on to friends, boyfriends or idols.
No?

It's kind of sad.

(I'm guilty-as-charged.)

Let's view it in a tangible light:

Love of the home-maker (mom/dad) comes in as a form of money.
Money for your allowance.

Fact: Regardless of how much you save, you are using their money.
(It comes from the allowance, indisputable; I rest my case when one is financially independent.)

So, what gives you the right to spend so much on another?
(Watch it, keyword - another.)

Have you started earning?
Have you done any work worthy of a pay?

So aren't you stupidly passing on the love to someone?

HUR?

To girlfriends/boyfriends.
(Yes, I will stick to this principle, and go dutch, unless I spend with my own earned money.)
To incomes of idols.
Whatever.

Plain frivolous.


(Not that I am not, but of course, once again the limit word kicks in again.)

.


Lastly, limit itself is subjective.
When thinking from one's perspective, it's endless in how people have to treat you.

But sometimes, think.

Think whether you've overstep the line.

.


Because while you're immersed in self-pity for yourself, you didn't notice that I stepped away.
It's too stifling & again, I feel that I lack something again.
Something I simply cannot measure up to.

Plainly, because of the stupid and idealistic priorities you set aside blindly.
Which, regardless of how much I try, I can't seem to reshuffle it.


& that's why I turn my back, hoping that both parties will find their happiness, in their own ways.

Heheheheh!
Eating Dinner w Z & pat too.

I missssss you Pat!
*whines*



Hehehe, I LOVE YOU!
:D

Spent the mornings of today & yesterday at the fish farm.
Sedentary yesterday (admin!) & become a free labour (deliver fish!) today.

& the most exciting part is:

*cues drumroll!*

THE TYRE OF THE DELIVERY VAN GOT PUNCTURED TODAY.

& we were on the TPE.

Did you know that if you stand by the road shoulder, when big trucks drive past, the highway experiences TREMORS?
& it pleases me to a certain extent to be able to experience that; I find that I thrive when there's thrill.

& I think my daddy very man!
He change the tyre in a wonderfully short time while I stand there not helping.
Heeeheee.


At the end of the day, man should still be a man.

Of course girls can do it too.
But can you imagine you're the one changing lightbulbs, doing manual stuff while guys stand aside.

It's just plain un-gentlemen-ly.

It's not a matter of whether we can or not, just the principle.

.

Off to gai-gai w Jia, Xuan & Fly.
(I never thought that we would ever become this close, frankly.
I've always assumed that we will accompany each other in class, & that's it.

I mean we all seem to lead pretty active life outside, & sometimes the JC (or perhaps, HwaChong) environment is not exactly nurturing in terms of un-superficial friendships.

But I'm very much gladdened that we're hanging out so much now that A's is over, considering that the study perioud made us see so little of each other.

& I really love you girl's so!)




(Okay, now I'm late, teeheehee!)

.

I have always thought that friends who did not keep in contact but places each other top will still be able to talk after, say 6 months.

When it happens, we take it for granted.

When it sadly not happened, like what mentioned in previous post, I felt like I'm being slapped.
(Okay, exaggeration.)

Perhaps, yesterday was just a day of that. (which thus makes me not so happy.)
L, Z, R, S.
All 4 of them I once held dear.

Admittedly, I was the party which gave up for one instance, but what about the other 3?

Karma!

.


& sometimes, I think.
It sucks when people naturally cast impressions of you.

You're strong.
You're this.
You're that.

But when you try to cover your weakness and others feel that you haven't got any.
Shouldn't you feel proud?
Shouldn't you feel superior that you've done it - hide from others?

So why does it bother so much that they don't think you as needy?

But ah, I do that to others too.

So, just shut up & quit whining.

.


Offfffffff to EastCoastPark to cycle & play volleyball.
(Inertia is huuuuuuuuuuge! 'cause I'm so frickkin' tired.)

Some stuff might actually be the most important things in your life.
But really, it's simply self-discipline to move on.

Move on when it just keeps bringing you pain.

No one will understand.
Nor will they try.

So it's just up to you.
Yourself.

Understand?!

.

Yesterday was the last time I am required to wear my full uniform, & not so coincidentally, the end of the A levels.
& coincidentally, someone's birthday.

Interaction (or rather, LACK OF) with that said person brought back some stinging memories.
& I decided that I shall rise above it (or attempt to) and just brush all these stupid thoughts away.

.


Went on a marathon yesterday.

1. School for Bio P1


2. 313 @ Somerset w Xuan & Fly to shop for their prom stuffs & TALK


3. Causeway w Lulu to eat at Breeks & watch Rapunzel


4. Back to town to meet ZhengWei, merely to see his retarded face


5. Off to Buddy Hoagies at Bukit Timah for Canoe dinner

.

But yesterday wasn't a very happy day for me.

.

Bus ride home w the usual 67 partner...seemed different.
& I feel a little saddened.
It doesn't matter that I attempted to lengthen the bus journey by taking the bus back to CCK, and not merely alighted at my stop.

The feelings are just different.

No longer as equal, no longer as accepting, no longer as supportive.

Did I change, or you?
Or both?

I mentioned that change is inevitable.
I still do mean it.

But perhaps, upon further thought given to it, it's merely because change happens to both of us without each other around.
& it's merely known as - divergence.

Merely that.

So tohjiale, just rationalise that & suck it up.

R, I miss you.
More importantly, I miss us.

.

What if everything started out as a joke?

A joke which made you reciprocate the feelings, feelings which are a jest.
What would you do, if one day, the joke-teller decides that it should end.

At the point.

Even if you've already fallen down the spiral.

*Snaps* It's time to wake up.

Can you do it?


.


Foundations

Today, on the bus home, it suddenly dawned on me how important this word is.

I mean, regardless if it is one's studies, love or the frivolous make-up, it matters, no?
Even for the non-living, like buildings & architecture, its impacts are felt.

So why, do we always neglect it?


For instance, 20+ years of marriage:
Do you measure it by the length or the foundation?

As an on-looker, I'll not hesitate to say:
THE F-WORD!


Correct me if I'm wrong, but happiness is derived from everyday life.
& everyday life is based on communication.

WHICH IS STEMMED FROM THE FOUNDATION.

I think I make absolute logic.

Next, studies.
No matter how much hard work you put in during tertiary studies, one is often hindered by his basics.

SEE, INDISPUTABLE AGAIN.

& so, people, foundation is important.

(I don't care, I WANNA PREACH, so LISTEN UP.)


I think, it really matters how a relationship/friendship works just by the first few interaction.
It determines the subsequent and eventual value of the person in your life.

So, be as truthful as you can.
(Ever heard of the cycle of lies?)

& don't make it a habit of doing something, which you don't foresee being sustainable.
Habits not sustainable = FAIL relationship EVENTUALLY.

Aiya, lazy to elaborate.
Go think on your own, if you have a brain.

If you don't have a brain, I doubt you need this shit too.
I mean, CAN YOU EVEN DIGEST?



Heeheeeeeeee! ;)
Song stats at about 1 min!


I like listening to acoustics, 'cause I have the habit of breaking them down into individuals & matching each voice w the person.

.


Off to study Bio!
(I'm still in denial how my As can draaaaaaaaaag till Dec. Oh wells, done soon!) Newer Posts

tohjiale
22/12/92
jiale22@hotmail.com
HCanoe
red;orange;yellow

Whoa, I'm very tired.
Too tired to properly post, therefore I did not post.

I started work on Monday, & it was a very undemanding day, with me doing some admin/logistics tasks.

Yesterday had tuition after work.

Today had orientation w new kids (THEY ARE SO CUTE.) & tuition afterwards + dinner w my darling Pat.

YAWNS.

.

I have many thoughts on autism, and have learnt a lot just by interacting w them for an hour but shall elaborate when I am more lucid.
I feel like I'm letting this blog slowly rot away & I feel immense guilt to self & to blog (though I'm aware it's a non-living thing).

Anyway, was recently contemplating what's life all about.

To me, I think it's just to better self.

But recently, I've been meeting walls, or rather crashing into, in some aspects.
& I feel stifled, while being rather hopeless to the point of being neutral already.

You know, the exasperation at how things can't be restarted while being aware that all these are in fact consequence of your past actions.

Sigh & I don't really have an outlet to elaborate in details, but just to tell y'all there's in fact a part of me in a mess.

& new year's coming.

I should get to work on my organiser + new year resolutions.

♥.

Hope y'all had a nice christmas.
Back from chalet.

& I only wish to say thank you.
To everyone of you who made it possible & made me less helpless.
Thanks, & much love, as always.

Am at a lost of what to exlain, what to say.
All I want to say is that I'm more than fine, 'cause of the love y'all give me.

& last but not least, I'm 18.

I wish sincerely, that next year will be a great year for me & that fresh starts will not be as daunting as the one I had when I first entered HwaChong, 'cause it goes to shows that I've grown & can handles such situations better.

& also, to manage my emotions better & not get too overwhelmed.

Somehow I think I screwed up my wishes yesterday night, but oh well, I think wishes only do come true when you work hard for it.

& that's all for now.





Will be away for chalet for the next few days so may not be posting.

Anyway, I was chancing upon blog of S.
The most recent post echo my feelings on trust.

Apart from white lies, what are the reasons behind each lie? I find it very scary how you just keep telling one lie after another. - S

& in turn it's ironic how I will not know the person this message is intended for, yet feel so deeply for it.

And the ultimate?

S will never realise that the person who affected me so deeply on my take on trust, my disbelief at this said person's morals (or lack thereof) & the umpteen times she lied to me, is in fact someone she trust so much.

Funny, isn't it?

How different people educate others in so many ways, and how some are so blinded to sides of others unknown to them & hold them in such high regard.

Or rather, how blinded one is of one to not realise that sweet promises are not everything in life.








Note to self:
Do not whine for him/her who has not been there, but appreciate that there is someone special & unique who wants to be there for you.
& no one can fit that role 24/7, thus the magnitude of the world's population, else we'll just be 2-man strong, no?

(I don't care, it is logical to me.)





Yesterday night, when i was about to sleep, lying on my pillow, the mighty brain got a sudden revelation:


There should be no whining, 'cause it's just self-obsession that everyone got.

'cause nobody's willing to wear shoes that don't fit & gives you blister consistently, no?

& let's just give thanks for all that there is.

Love.
Sometimes, when you're not careful & don't juggle your balls properly, be extremely careful of the consequences.
One of them (the ones you're not staring at carefully) may just dropped and roll off.

It may well roll and stop at your feet, or just roll & disappear.

I doubt in this case it'll be the latter.

But well, I was thinking, i) how long does it take for it to fall, & ii) how long will you wait before you pick it up.

Merely thinking about some not very positive stuffs.


.


Sometimes, logical excuses to you just don't seem logical enough to me.
Well, if I attempt to stand in your shoes, I totally find it logical, to you, that is.

But really, I'm in mine.

You whine about the loss of a few hours in the face of a whole day.
But look at it this way, I have nothing for you to have additional hours, no?

Does it seem very logical now put into such perspectives?

.


& I'm thinking, whether life is about X number of people.
In one comes, out another goes.

Maybe, 'cause someone re-entered my life recently, and I feel the sting of another moving out.
& I feel I'm out of this person's, 'cause of the entry of another.

It's part & parcel in life, and I know the limits of 24 hours, and priorities.

But really, it stings, I don't deny.

Let's just suck it up & move on.





Had dinner w Darling Lu & Pat today!

I have always belived that things happen for a reason.
While I genuinely am not gloating over your plight, can I tell you I'm actually celebrating in my heart?

At least, you've finally taken the leap. It may not be graceful, neither has it been without a few stumbles initially, but alas, you've taken off.

At least, you've come to realise that I sincerely want to be part of your life.

At least, I know I am capable of touching you.
(Teehee, not the literal sense.)


& really, perhaps, you're just cleaning up the nest for the next bird to rest.
(IT RHYMES, BABY!) ; mighty proud of myself.


I don't mind how long you take, or how long you had wasted.
As long as you're genuinely trying, I take joy & pride.

& don't lose faith 'cause believe, you deserve better.








It was darling YiXian's birthday on the 16 Dec, & once again an almost team gathered to celebrate the occasion!

Dear girl, I can't re-emphasise how much I meant it when I say that I'm happy to celebrate your 18, and will gladly relish in the opportunity to celebrate your 80 with you.
(Of course, this would signify that I do not die from some cancer/diabetes/stroke/heart attack, so therefore makes me extremely willing!)

While we may not be the closest of any, I thank you for being my t1 partner, & it's cool you are indeed my partner thought we've never officially shared ONE boat.

YiXian!!

.


& I met a my pretty girl & a handsome dude who was scouted by some model agency hur.
It's my absolute pleasure, just that I wish some people aren't so painfully shy.
:p


.
I actually wanted to post yesterday, but the Internet crashed (at least in my house, that is) when I was about to upload pictures.
Then I decided to transfer to thumbdrive to do it at fish farm (like, just now?) but in my sleepy state I forgot all about that!

So well, now I'm comfortably seated back home after a super filling lunch, I should get to work!

.

Out w LiJun on Mondayyy, 13 Dec!

Nua-ed at Secret Recipe after walking for a little while!




.

Cleaned up room (alas!) + dinner at Thai Express w NguanHan, Brian & WeeKiat + Monopoly deal on Wednesday!

& stayed over at lovely Pat's house!


.

Town w my absolute favourites - Pat & TingYan! ♥♥♥





.

& this explains why I haven't been posting 'cause I find that I'm really ageing & thus becoming less able to sustain consecutive outings for a few days.


And I'm very disappointed w self for not reading! :(

It's ironic, but I'm actually incurring sleep debt for this period.
GRAH.
:(







*I am not supposed to reveal to much till the week is over!
But those who's close will know what I am rambling about!*


When I saw the email, my heart literally skipped.
♥

Happy 18th Darling! ♥

Teehee, photos!
Lazy to elaborate, except that it's an attempted rape & an informal team gathering! ;)







I hope she grows taller!

Off for a movie w LiJun! It's a date, baby! (:




Sigh, true.

Sometimes I feel guilt over the slightest things.

Like, delibrately being impatient w someone else.
Or being snappish.

Well, the quotes doesn't really reflect whatever I am feeling currently.

But it makes me ponder more, that's all!

Do you understand?

Sometimes, things are simply not measured in years nor length of time.
Be it your maturity, depth of feelings, fragility of friendship.
None of these are of any consequence, though time indeed allows for more communication.

In certain sad (but often seen) situations, time even serves as the function which allows for divergence between individuals.


To me, growing up is not simply an increase in age; it's a improvement in maturity.
When one grows up, one bids farewell to idealistic notions & all the stupid fairy tales which do no exist in the real world.

Sure, girls are always entitled to be more dreamy & less practical, this I agree & sometimes too succumb to.
But I believe, growing up entails one making room for rationality, in place of mere ideas which will never come true.

It serves to allow one to strike a balance between ideals and practicality.

& one which just holds on to idealistic notions, and shut off the real world, is merely an escapist growing old but not growing up, no?


& I detest the presence of such individuals 'cause it's frickkin' shallow.
More so 'cause you're like a little kid living in an adult body, which should not be the case.

Little boy and girl should make way for mature grown-ups.
That's how I see it.


Yet, regardless of how stifled and exasperated I feel, when a friend is of such nature, I won't grumble, merely 'cause it's a friend.


But really, when the limit is breached, it's ridiculous for me to continue to tolerate anything that I do not expect of any new acquaintance I meet.


U, you must know, I'm not escaping your sms/question.
Give me some time to organise my thoughts, or rather, give us some time to organise our thoughts.
Not that we're incoherent or unclear of what we want.

But rather, respect is still underlying in out communications, & we will never want to hurt you with harsh words.

& really, the nagging thought is, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?

This struck a chord w me, especially:

So, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.

I believe.

.


Teehee, had a great time w TingYan at her house. (playing Monopoly Deal)
Just pure good company & time wasting, but bonding session!

Jiayou for exams darling!
(:

I totally need to sleeeeeeep!

Anyway, short summary!

1. Home!


2. Woodlands to meet w Xuan, Fly & Jia


3. Treetops (service apartment near Shangri-La)


4. Shangri-La for prom


5. Chijmes for beer w Xuan, Fly, Jia, XiuHui, HoiMan & Deborah!


6. Back to Treetops w 7h!


7. YeXun cooked breakfast for class! ;)


8. Mahjong w WeiEn, Joyce & Jamie


9. Dinner w Pat ♥

>30 hours later, I'm finally back home.
Alas, alas!

So good night everyone!


Caught a movie with some classmates at Cineleisure!

Easy A : The female lead is quite a looker!

Why when I send an invitation, the first response I get is : Who else is going?

Is it that important?

You are just finding excuses to reject me, no?

*irritated beyond words*

A simple yes or no will suffice.

Don't need tell me feel like, want to.
Cut the crap; get to the point.
If I have to apologise, it would be that I gave more chances to her than you.
While you deserve nothing less than her (in fact, more), it's more about me.

Just because I'm protecting myself now, while not being unfair to others.
Just because I am more sick & tired of unhealthy relationships.
& 'cause I'm much more a cynic now.

Merely this, I have to apologise for.
Sorry for using your chances on her.

Because, now I see myself, without much breadth to allow errors from others.
& no longer do I brush things aside when I am set aside so carelessly.


.


It's not pivotal on a word. No, I was never the one particular about any word.

& what if you know the friend will not listen to you?

Most importantly, let the "ducks" waddle out of it.

As I grow older, I become more logical & rational.
& I proud of it.

It's merely experience that makes me more hardy.

I know, at least I've grown.
& I know, it's the least people that gave up on me, people I gave up on, have given me.

With this insight, I smile.

Because, something good comes out of everything, even things which do not last.
Even things which are fleeting, no?

I am at peace.
I feel guilty for making such decisions, but really, when haven't I for doing things which I know might hurt others, but might benefit myself in the long run.
Even in the cases of friends who will continually hurt me.
Even when I struggled hell when it's cases like this.

It's like history coming true, just w different conditions and persons.

But eventually, I lose.

No?

.


One should never push the limits.

With understanding comes greater tolerance.
But one should keep in mind, no matter what, there's a limit.

Especially in ludicrous situations.

& again, I can only take joy in that you'll become better, as a final gift to you.

.


Food for thought.

Do we as humans, often take love from others and stuff it down others' throat, when they do not need it?

For example, love of a mother is endless towards a child.
But the child, will no doubt experience occasion when it pass the love on to friends, boyfriends or idols.
No?

It's kind of sad.

(I'm guilty-as-charged.)

Let's view it in a tangible light:

Love of the home-maker (mom/dad) comes in as a form of money.
Money for your allowance.

Fact: Regardless of how much you save, you are using their money.
(It comes from the allowance, indisputable; I rest my case when one is financially independent.)

So, what gives you the right to spend so much on another?
(Watch it, keyword - another.)

Have you started earning?
Have you done any work worthy of a pay?

So aren't you stupidly passing on the love to someone?

HUR?

To girlfriends/boyfriends.
(Yes, I will stick to this principle, and go dutch, unless I spend with my own earned money.)
To incomes of idols.
Whatever.

Plain frivolous.


(Not that I am not, but of course, once again the limit word kicks in again.)

.


Lastly, limit itself is subjective.
When thinking from one's perspective, it's endless in how people have to treat you.

But sometimes, think.

Think whether you've overstep the line.

.


Because while you're immersed in self-pity for yourself, you didn't notice that I stepped away.
It's too stifling & again, I feel that I lack something again.
Something I simply cannot measure up to.

Plainly, because of the stupid and idealistic priorities you set aside blindly.
Which, regardless of how much I try, I can't seem to reshuffle it.


& that's why I turn my back, hoping that both parties will find their happiness, in their own ways.
Heheheheh!
Eating Dinner w Z & pat too.

I missssss you Pat!
*whines*



Hehehe, I LOVE YOU!
:D
Spent the mornings of today & yesterday at the fish farm.
Sedentary yesterday (admin!) & become a free labour (deliver fish!) today.

& the most exciting part is:

*cues drumroll!*

THE TYRE OF THE DELIVERY VAN GOT PUNCTURED TODAY.

& we were on the TPE.

Did you know that if you stand by the road shoulder, when big trucks drive past, the highway experiences TREMORS?
& it pleases me to a certain extent to be able to experience that; I find that I thrive when there's thrill.

& I think my daddy very man!
He change the tyre in a wonderfully short time while I stand there not helping.
Heeeheee.


At the end of the day, man should still be a man.

Of course girls can do it too.
But can you imagine you're the one changing lightbulbs, doing manual stuff while guys stand aside.

It's just plain un-gentlemen-ly.

It's not a matter of whether we can or not, just the principle.

.

Off to gai-gai w Jia, Xuan & Fly.
(I never thought that we would ever become this close, frankly.
I've always assumed that we will accompany each other in class, & that's it.

I mean we all seem to lead pretty active life outside, & sometimes the JC (or perhaps, HwaChong) environment is not exactly nurturing in terms of un-superficial friendships.

But I'm very much gladdened that we're hanging out so much now that A's is over, considering that the study perioud made us see so little of each other.

& I really love you girl's so!)




(Okay, now I'm late, teeheehee!)

.
I have always thought that friends who did not keep in contact but places each other top will still be able to talk after, say 6 months.

When it happens, we take it for granted.

When it sadly not happened, like what mentioned in previous post, I felt like I'm being slapped.
(Okay, exaggeration.)

Perhaps, yesterday was just a day of that. (which thus makes me not so happy.)
L, Z, R, S.
All 4 of them I once held dear.

Admittedly, I was the party which gave up for one instance, but what about the other 3?

Karma!

.


& sometimes, I think.
It sucks when people naturally cast impressions of you.

You're strong.
You're this.
You're that.

But when you try to cover your weakness and others feel that you haven't got any.
Shouldn't you feel proud?
Shouldn't you feel superior that you've done it - hide from others?

So why does it bother so much that they don't think you as needy?

But ah, I do that to others too.

So, just shut up & quit whining.

.


Offfffffff to EastCoastPark to cycle & play volleyball.
(Inertia is huuuuuuuuuuge! 'cause I'm so frickkin' tired.)
Some stuff might actually be the most important things in your life.
But really, it's simply self-discipline to move on.

Move on when it just keeps bringing you pain.

No one will understand.
Nor will they try.

So it's just up to you.
Yourself.

Understand?!

.

Yesterday was the last time I am required to wear my full uniform, & not so coincidentally, the end of the A levels.
& coincidentally, someone's birthday.

Interaction (or rather, LACK OF) with that said person brought back some stinging memories.
& I decided that I shall rise above it (or attempt to) and just brush all these stupid thoughts away.

.


Went on a marathon yesterday.

1. School for Bio P1


2. 313 @ Somerset w Xuan & Fly to shop for their prom stuffs & TALK


3. Causeway w Lulu to eat at Breeks & watch Rapunzel


4. Back to town to meet ZhengWei, merely to see his retarded face


5. Off to Buddy Hoagies at Bukit Timah for Canoe dinner

.

But yesterday wasn't a very happy day for me.

.

Bus ride home w the usual 67 partner...seemed different.
& I feel a little saddened.
It doesn't matter that I attempted to lengthen the bus journey by taking the bus back to CCK, and not merely alighted at my stop.

The feelings are just different.

No longer as equal, no longer as accepting, no longer as supportive.

Did I change, or you?
Or both?

I mentioned that change is inevitable.
I still do mean it.

But perhaps, upon further thought given to it, it's merely because change happens to both of us without each other around.
& it's merely known as - divergence.

Merely that.

So tohjiale, just rationalise that & suck it up.

R, I miss you.
More importantly, I miss us.

.
What if everything started out as a joke?

A joke which made you reciprocate the feelings, feelings which are a jest.
What would you do, if one day, the joke-teller decides that it should end.

At the point.

Even if you've already fallen down the spiral.

*Snaps* It's time to wake up.

Can you do it?


.


Foundations

Today, on the bus home, it suddenly dawned on me how important this word is.

I mean, regardless if it is one's studies, love or the frivolous make-up, it matters, no?
Even for the non-living, like buildings & architecture, its impacts are felt.

So why, do we always neglect it?


For instance, 20+ years of marriage:
Do you measure it by the length or the foundation?

As an on-looker, I'll not hesitate to say:
THE F-WORD!


Correct me if I'm wrong, but happiness is derived from everyday life.
& everyday life is based on communication.

WHICH IS STEMMED FROM THE FOUNDATION.

I think I make absolute logic.

Next, studies.
No matter how much hard work you put in during tertiary studies, one is often hindered by his basics.

SEE, INDISPUTABLE AGAIN.

& so, people, foundation is important.

(I don't care, I WANNA PREACH, so LISTEN UP.)


I think, it really matters how a relationship/friendship works just by the first few interaction.
It determines the subsequent and eventual value of the person in your life.

So, be as truthful as you can.
(Ever heard of the cycle of lies?)

& don't make it a habit of doing something, which you don't foresee being sustainable.
Habits not sustainable = FAIL relationship EVENTUALLY.

Aiya, lazy to elaborate.
Go think on your own, if you have a brain.

If you don't have a brain, I doubt you need this shit too.
I mean, CAN YOU EVEN DIGEST?


Heeheeeeeeee! ;)
Song stats at about 1 min!


I like listening to acoustics, 'cause I have the habit of breaking them down into individuals & matching each voice w the person.

.


Off to study Bio!
(I'm still in denial how my As can draaaaaaaaaag till Dec. Oh wells, done soon!) Newer Posts

By post:

1. Chapter 258:
2. Chapter 256:
3. Chapter 255:
4. Chapter 254:
5. Chapter 253:
6. Chapter 252:
7. Chapter 251:
8. Chapter 250:
9. Chapter 249:
10. Chapter 248:

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