Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Chapter 203:
at 01:08
Yes, at this hour, what else can I do, but think?
I'm back from a movie - The Fighter w the guys, & I'm mad tired!
But I really feel like penning(typing) some thoughts down, while the computer is co-operating with me.
The movie's not too great, despite the great reviews. (SHAOLIN FTW!!)
But it actually got me thinking for a moment.
One of life's worse moment is to realise that no matter how much you steeled your heart against someone, all resolve turns to mush the moment that person bats an eyelid.
It really do suck - to feel so vulnerable in front of someone.
& do you know what's worst?
It's when this person over here is well aware of this little weakness of yours, and exploits it to no end.
She just passed the love on, without so much of a thought.
It's just like how the mom & Dicky exploits Micky, no?
& until one fine(or rather, unfortunate) day, did he finally awoke.
I swear, I will not want to let anyone close to me undergo such things, but really such is choices and lessons in life, no?
I spent ages struggling with myself to come to terms, & I may not even have yet to.
So really, what rights do I have to deter people from doing this?
Because, truthfully, if I haven't been through that, I wouldn't have believed it.
Hey, I spent 6 years.
How long will you?
I'm still rooting, rooting for you & I still hope all will turn out fine.
Yet, I'm not the one falling down the tunnel of love, hence, I'm without the faith of love.
Forgive me for that, won't you?
.
The Concept of Passing the Love on.
Let me illustrate using myself as an example:
My mom loves me a lot, and I do her.
But really, the extent of her love to me is immeasurable, this I know.
Yet, I get impatient with her & takes her for granted.
Never have I once told her I loved her, nor have I truly been the filial daughter one should be.
Simply put, I exploit her love, or rather, I pass it on.
I'm really guilty of it.
I pass it on to my friends, who in turn pass it on to others.
(Aside from really, one/two who I really think treasures me for who I am, I sometimes feel I can be a pushover when you're my friend.)
Even those who are the closest to me, the ones I take care of the most, the ones I put in the most effort, sometimes I just feel being swept aside when their interests are in conflict with mine.
& that's when the love is passed on.
Simply put, let's rearrange all our priorities in life.
Unless priorities are mutual, e.g. I place you first, you me, else love will just be passed from party to party.
& we always mourn for the love that was passed on by others that was from us, but never think twice about the love we passed on, no?
And because I make so much sense out of this theory, my goals in life have changed.
It's no longer fracturing my leg/elbow to experience it. (Hahah, don't ask me why!)
I just hope to meet someone who pass love on to me, and me back to him.
& I aspire for it to remain in the cycle.
Because if that happens, I guess it wouldn't matter where I am, and what I do.
But really, life isn't that perfect.
So I guess, I will have to re-adjust my thinking within a few years.
But oh well, don't burst my bubble yet!
.
Love, jiale.
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