Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Chapter 226:
at 21:30
Copied & paste from my Tumblr:
Saying goodbye nicely & with manners is not easy at all when you have had a history with that certain someone.
I can’t live a life of uncertainty when it comes to relationships/friendships. I need to classify. I need to draw the lines. I think this problem (if you deem it as such) arises ‘cause I treat strangers, acquaintances and friends differently. & that’s why I need clear boundaries to know where I stand, where you stand, & how we should interact. I make myself sound like a social retard, but no - it’s merely how I function.
To me, if you’re not a (close) friend, you’re not worth any exceptional effort to be nice, friendly and spontaneous. I don’t feel a need to respect your views and take them seriously, ‘cause really, who are you? (Unless of course your line of thought is awesome and inspiring.)
The main point being that it’s always so easy to become closer, then less, no? The process of becoming closer is so magical; the journey to getting nearer to someone’s heart and mind which you never had the opportunity to is gradual. There’s no need to affirm that “Hey we’re close, right?” ‘cause you can feel it and see it - phone records, sms conversation, msn, outings, etc.
Yet, contrary to that, drifting apart is painful and there’s always the part of ‘not letting go’ intertwined in it. Isn’t it the reason why couples hang on for so long when love has long withered? & this is the matter at hand which I struggle with.
I can’t bear to say, “Hey, we’re not close, right?” because we share a legacy, a history. We share memories which have the both of us, we shared laughter and jokes, we shared mornings in the canteens, we shared bitch sessions about others. We lent support to each other, we backed each other up.
So, what happens when our faiths and beliefs diverge? What happens when our principles in life differ? What happens when our language of love and frienship changes and no longer can understand each other? What happens next?
We hold on half-heartedly while feeling that the other betrayed/gave up on us. We remain close on the surface with currents passing underneath. & when storm breaks through, we flash our claws and canines, hurting each other. At the end of the day, none of us achieve anything except hurt and regret.
So love(d), I’ll will myself to do the honorable act that you deserve. I’m letting you go, because we’re so set to go different ways. I won’t treat you any lesser when I next meet you (which I think would be soon), nor will I avoid you. Let’s end with no bitter feelings or resentment, and write glorious vibrant chapters on our own. Till next time when fate allow us to coincide once again.
I’ll look foward to that.
If even machines need a cooling off period, I don’t see why we can’t have our own time-off. I can’t say that we’ll definitely patch and mend in the future, but really, I will not build fences to shut off the options. Fences which stems from words meant to cut. ‘Cause simply, nothing can deny that we did enjoy each other’s company.
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