theTAKEonFRIENSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS.

Came across this today, true hur. There's always regrets we have in life. But ah well, be glad that it happened before. (:

Gonna go on a short break after blocks, and meet up with people! (:
I miss so, so, so many people!
It's really easy to get 'caught up' with life!




A happy scene which tugs at my heart. The lovely people I meet in my life.

I hoped that the 25 won't separate.

Sorry, but now, I think I was being too idealistic.
I mean, even for the people I hold dear, I don't have the confidence that I can remain this way with them.
Or rather, I feel that I've already drifted from some.
Sigh.

Let's just be glad that we once had each other.





Heard this song while studying - Paint my Love by Michael Learns to Rock

From my youngest years till this moment here
I've never seen such a lovely queen
From the skies above to the deepest love
I've never felt crazy like this before

Paint my love, you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Been around the world then I met you girl
It's like coming home to a place I've known

Paint my love, you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Since you came into my life
The days before all fade to black and white
Since you came into my life
Everything has changed

Paint my love, you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love, my love

Paint my love, oh you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Question: How would you paint yours?

Mine would be : A MESS.
Why? 'cause I don't know how to paint. :p
HAHAHAHHAHAA.

Just thought it's quite an interesting notion.
Would it be abstract, or of an object, or of your mommy/daddy, or of an old couple?

Or simply just a red heart. Yes, boring.


Wasn't well to go school today, missed the Econs Paper.
This might just be a blessing in disguise.
Ah well, got 2 days worth of MC.

.

Anyway, I successfully learnt how to fold a straw heart!
The hand almost cramped!
& the product is...distorted.
SIGH.

.

Daiso just opened relatively near my house!
Happy!
(But it's a curse, 'cause I will spend $)

.

I'm just a girl, & this fact makes me hesitate.
Yet, too much thoughts get me distracted and far away from the real world.

I feel shitty.
):

(I wonder, how do we know that shit feels negative? Maybe they're happy being shit, yet we keep using them as a negative noun..OKAY, the brain's not quite right.)

Just feel nua, and sick.
):


.

I had a dream, which I finally can remember like 5sec of it?
I dreamed that you read through all my reflections, even the weird and confidential ones.
I got a shock.

Not long after, I woke up.

.


Some of the love of my life!

Apollo & Athena Pull-Over! Having older siblings is the love!
(But actually we exchanged, HAHAHA, mine was Athena, hers Apollo)

The most beautiful thing is that hand! HAHAHHA, but for once the fingers don't appear stubby! (:


HAHAHA, guess who's the retard who came up with this idea!
(Sometimes I think I should have been born a guy, where got girls like that de!!!)

Hahaha, did all these after we got tired of studying!

.

LYMPH-NODE-INFLAMMATION!
Hello world, I am alive, with 3 lumps in my lymph nodes at the neck.

I was freaked out man!

'cause since young I kept reading the swelling of lymph nodes are always negative signals by your body!
I.e. HIV, and cancer!
O M G.

Since I won't get HIV, I kept thinking - CANCER.
SCARY!

For your information, lymph nodes aids in carrying lymphocytes (white blood cells!), and the liquid surrounding your cell tissue, thus acting as 'cleaners' of your body.
Yeapps, so if something's wrong, means your immune system is not well, I THINK.

Yea, and the story goes that 2 days ago I awoke feeling pain and fatigue at the neck area. I assumed I had bad sleeping posture.

But this morning while I was bathing I realised the left neck is swollen with 1/2 lumps!
Shocked me, but didn't tell dad/mom.

Hahha, spent the whole of today touching my neck!
For a moment it would be super swollen, then it would appear less.
Then there would be, 1, 2 then 3, then 1 lumps and they move around!
LOL, okay la, it became rather amusing after awhile but it's frightening k?
):

Being skittish I went to visit the doc after studying with G and Lij.
He proclaimed it's just inflammation so phew!

& he's damn funny.

I.
Me: Why only one side swollen?
Doc: YOU WANT 2 AH?
Me: -.-

II.
Me: Why will it get inflamed?
Doc: *grins* That's the million dollar question! Nobody knows."
Me: -.-

.

Yeapps, and though he claims it's small case, he gave me 65 pills and I'm supposed to finish all, even if the swelling disperses.
o.o

GRAH.
It's hard to keep track of time aye.
What more me who is so scattered-brained.

So I'm gonna start at 10 p.m. today.

SO HI KIND SOULS, you can always feel free to sms me at 8am, or 4pm to ask me to take my antibiotics only, the yellow and red pills.
& 10am for the anti-inflammation pill.
and 10 p.m. again for both!

:D

Apparently if it doesn't stop swelling in 1 or 2 weeks it's trouble, so let's hope it does!

AND I AM GRATEFUL IT'S THE LYMPH NODES AT THE NECK WHICH ARE SWOLLEN.
Why, you ask?
It definitely beats lymph nodes at groin area being swollen hur!

.

Hahhahaha, just told my mom 'cause I want her to sponsor my doctor visit.
LOL!
She nicely cooked soup for me 'cause she's worried I'm too heaty.
(Y) mommy!

.

theTHOUGHTS.
Anyway at the clinic, a man who claimed he had heart attack cut my queue though he entered late.
It's okay la, 'cause heart attack right?

But after that we realised it's just paranoia, but quite frightening ley!
The son was with him, about secondary 2?

And he began to nag him after the visit.
Apparently the dad keep eating overly-heaty stuff like Tongkat Ali and Ginseng, etc, and drinks too much beer.

Witnessing the scene I felt...*indescribable*
I mean, we always experience such scenes with the roles reversed no?
(No, I don't mean the situation whereby the son eats Ginseng and drinks beer.)

Just felt that while it's a blessing for people around you to love you and cherish you, there comes a responsibility with it.
It's like accountability too.

Staying answerable not just to yourself but people who love you.
You can't expect them to love you but not care aye?

It's just a plain and simple package.

But why in this case, is the dad the insensible individual?
It's kinda unfair to burden YOUR SON with such troubles, no?
I could really sense the son's anxiety and frustration.
My heart went out to him in that moment.

How I would panicked if my loved one tell me he's experiencing a heart attack.
OMG.

.

PEOPLE, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF K?

I know the end of the world might be coming, but even if that's so, let's at the minimum die together.

.

HAhaha, I feel super drained!
GUESS WHAT, I'm sleeping!

Nights, sweet dreams (of me)!!

Things always happen for a reason; and what's meant to be, is.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MOTIVATIONAL, NO?

But I always use this to tell myself to let go off things which requires a hard fight.
Am I a quitter?

Well, if I am, then on a brighter note, I'm an optimistic quitter.
DOES THAT HELP?

Gosh.

& I came across this:
Letting go is when you have fought your hardest and the last solution is to stop holding on.
Other than that, all situations are considered giving up.

Sounds meaningful aye?
But I saw this on a drama (what more translated), so how true is this?

& right, I think is challenging to fight for your hardest.
Especially if the fight is on display for others to watch, regardless are they rooting for you or waiting for your downfall.
It's just weird, with a big audience.

Only people who truly are firm believers of themselves, and brave enough, will act according to their consciences and not what the public/majority perceive correct, no?

YEA, so it's really about how you pushed the limit set by yourself/others.
& thus the line that truly separate letting go and giving up is unclear hur, just like everything else in the world.

SO, the option is to stay answerable to yourself?
IS IT ONLY THAT?

.

I sound agitated.
o.o

.

ANYWAY, looking forward to after blocks!

- Donate blood
- Kayaking at MarinaBay w Team (Pending approval)
- CIP w LOVELY GIRLS (Pending approval too)
- Local CIP w SichuanTeam


(:

.



Saw this on YanPing's blog!
I literally LOL!
o.o

Heh heh!

Sometimes, life really doesn't give you what you want.
But again, I don't think I've worked extremely hard for it.

.

I hope when the time comes for the plans, the plans will work.
I really do hope so, 'cause I did put in effort for it.
But I don't have a good gut feeling 'bout it.
):

.

Bro is on guard duty today, so ain't home yet.
Actually, quite grateful towards him, genuinely.
'cause he keep helping to go to the fishfarm to help out this year, so I can concentrate on canoeing then in Feb-Apr, and studies now.
Only on rare occasions, when he needs to do guard duty, I'll go.
Hahhaa, and last year we all said he's the laziest.

(AND I KEEP WANTING TO BUY HIM A POLO TEE BUT HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO IT!)

I don't think I'm very close to my family (my fault, I guess) but at certain times, I'm still grateful for just the mere presence of them.
Ya know, it's like not super-ly close, but their existence brings normalcy and reassurances to your life.

Sometimes, I wonder, do I take them for granted to a LARGE extent.
As in, I think I for sure, do take them for granted, but is to what extent.

Though since young, I always had my own ideals towards a home.
But I think, it's because I already have a fundamentally warm home, thus I dare to dream for a better situation.
In the sense that I am brought up to believe in 'home'.

(Hahhaa, I think I'm talking in a language only I understand, but it's okay, MY BLOG.)

Yeapps, but I think, it's actually very hard to maintain a home?
What more one which is 6 member.
I mean, it's not just like SIMS or whatever yes, with only 1 mind controlling.
It's 6 unique personalties, and temperaments, and ideas, and opinions.
Gosh.

YEA!

& I think someone always makes the biggest sacrifice.

You know, I always begrudge mom for getting too hysterical at times, when having a quarrel with dad or something.
& I so hate those falling outs, which is so frequent in the past, but events which I just couldn't get used to and wake up crying.
& I really dislike it when she involve us the kids, like asking us to take a side.

I really don't like it.
& I remember breaking down in school, 'cause they quarreled in the morning, before they dropped me off in BPGHS.
LOL, it's quite dumb, now in retrospect.

But, I think, she really sacrificed a lot.

I mean, 4 kids is really very hard to bring up.
:/

I still remember all the stories which now we laughed about, but must have brought her a lot of troubles.
Hahahaha.
& I grew up to become a rebel at a certain point in time, and she slapped me, I still remember.
Sigh, the embarrassing past.

Yea, though she may be deemed as not keeping up with trends and whatever, I think it's really a package she chose to take in life.
I mean, to become a housewife is really...ZAI.

Can't imagine.

But ah, I've never seriously told her how I feel also.
& I get impatient and stuff.
Sigh.

Weird weird.

.

It's like 5.13 am and I'm doing this, I don't know what's wrong with me.
LOL.

.

And I wonder, after I truly grow up, will my ideals and aspirations in life change?
Will I still have time to render help to others?
Will i get so self-obsessed that I lose track of what I really want, and just work aimlessly, towards something I don't even know?

I always think that, no matter what you say in present, it's always only words.
By the time you get to the situation you imagined, your actions might by the complete opposite.
I hope this does not happen.

I respect my own principles in life a lot, so I hope I'll stick by them.

.

Yeapps, current goal for the moment:

- Become a regular blood donor (IF PASS)

But, again, it's actually a dilemma to just say you wanna volunteer and serve the community leh.

I feel really uncomfortable when the eyes keep twitching, or rather, the right eye.
Especially the right upper lid.

& It has been twitching since yesterday.
):

Hope it's nothing.
Grah.

Am I too superstitious?
LOL.

*eye twitches again.*

Saw this ridiculous thing:
星期四左：会有想不到的现实 右：对任何事都不能管！！
星期五左：有人MISS你··· 右：将会发生幸福大事！

Thanks, maybe I'll feel really blessed and fortunate tonight.

& let's just say the scientific explanation is that I'm too tired.
True, hasn't been sleeping properly.

I AM VERY VERY ANGRY WITH MYSELF.

jh,kfgqzdsgbadhvnbxcjkhblakszdbgnvk,ladsbklwoiegeqkjgb,avmhvgbpqilkfhn;qhosdvbgf,skj

Do I need your permission to carry on?

Hahahahaha, today I went to celebrate Babe's birthday!
(*point to the name that's my post title excitedly!)


Met her, (late, due to the sudden & irritating rain) and headed to Rail Mall!
(:
Brought her for a treat at some place I thought had good review, but it's only okay.
SIGH. ):


But we still had a great time!
Met babe's babe - Lester, at the cafe for the second time.
Evidently he's jealous that TingYan and me are gonna have alone time.
HAHAHAHHA.
Now, look who's the idiot who placed their anniversary on my birthday.
>:(
HAHAHHA~

Hahahaha, but it's okay la, just that in the end I became the lightbulb when I'm the one who initiated the celebration!
WHY IS GOD SO MEAN TO ME.
:/
ROARS. Hahahahaha~

• FOOOOOOOOOOOD!

(Left to right, up to down!)
1. The Lemongrass drinks we all had.
2. The cream of mushroom Ting & I had
3. Lester's ABC soup
4. My Linguine w Laksa Leaf Pesto (TingYan chose the food)
5. TingYan's Carbonara



Was reading the blood donation webpage, then I saw this cool thing : APHERESIS.
It's like donating a blood component, plasma or platelets in high concentration, but with the red blood cells returned to the body.
It's thus more physically draining, but you can donate monthly, unlike normal blood donation, every 3 months.

Yea, then I was so excited.

BUT THE REQUIREMENTS ARE:

• Weigh more than 50 kg;
• Be at least 18 years old;
• Cannot be more than 50 years old (for new apheresis donors only);
• Have donated blood at least once before; and
• Have arm veins of a suitable size.

Yeapps, so looks like let's donate normal blood first!
& I don't even know whether I can donate cause of vessel size and the haemoglobin level, etc.

But yea, worth a try!
(:

Will go pull more people to go with me on the virgin blood donation day!
:D

Hey, I thought I said that I was supposed to go on a hiatus?
But, ya know, it's kind of a habit already.

.

Okay, G, QiTian & me will be going to donate blood after blocks!
But I think it's gonna be a more troublesome affair for me 'cause I still need parents' consent & now I don't even have the form yet.

Hahaha, was trying to find bloodmobiles in the West side, and I realised QiTian stays in the East.

LOL.

Anyway, I just think that we're very funny.
Compared to people staying in other countries, to be able to travel from the east to the west in a mere hour is a cool thing aye?
But we grumble.
HAHAHAHAHA.
This is just another thing we take for granted.

.

That day after accompanying Pat to wait for bus, I've this random thought.
Ya know, I always had this habit of either walking the friend home first (specifically OngTingYan) before returning home, or at least wait for their bus before boarding mine/going home, even if mine does come first.

Then, when I entered HwaChong, I lost that habit (slightly), thought I still deliberately not board certain buses (like 171, or 170) to go home with Rachel (67) and YiJia (961).

It sucks when everybody is not living near each other hur.
):

But, it also comes to another thing.
It's really how you prioritise people aye?

It's true that I will still choose to go home with Rachel despite say another random friend was with us and can take the 3 other buses.
I'll still miss the bus and go home with her.

But eh, I realised, I'm starting to forgo such habit for my own time.
SOMETIMES LA.

'cause bus journeys is always so long, and some always think that such habit are a waste of time.

But I do find joy in doing such things leh.

SO I MUST CONTINUE TO DO SUCH THINGS K?

Yet sometimes there's internal dilemma, cause I do have this habit of reading on buses.
So it's like, you can save time by taking the first bus, and have your own time on the entire bus journey!

(YOU KNOW, TOHJIALE'S SELFISH THOUGHTS, ETC.)

Do we, or specifically me, grow up to become more selfish?
I hope not, but I think so.
Ugh.

& sometimes, people you always do such things for, also take it for granted ley.
NO MEH.
But, again, you can't expect them to kowtow every time what, so dumb.


AIYA, I'm just thinking in circles, as usual.
:/

The only thing for sure is, when I had to make a choice, and I chose to stay, it just means the heart treasures that idiot who make me waste my time willingly la.
HAHAHA.

.

& I think when we're young we had stupid aspirations, like the boyfriend must be gentlemanly enough to send you home.
Damn, so dumb.

Just part and say goodbye.
(I think I'm getting less romantic, ah, sigh.)

But really, it's quite ridiculously stupid!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAA.

So conclusion is: YOU DO SAVE A LOT MORE TIME BY BEING ON YOUR OWN AND BECOMING A LONER.

But sadly, humans are group animals.

Dear Sirs and Mams, this Maria over here is going on a hiatus.

I hope the pay will not be deducted!

.

I was just thinking that I should stick by my principles in life.
LIKE SERIOUSLY.

Hi, you're not good enough for me.
'Cause you fall short in condition #1 - the most important.

.


This is too cute!
Hahahaha~

.

The voice of Mickey Mouse for 32 years (Wayne Allwine), and the current voice of Minnie Mouse (Russi Taylor, voiceover since 1986) were actually married in real life.

Awww, so sweet ~
& The real minnie mouse woman is really very cute (:

~!@#$%^&*()

Was reading LoveGivesMeHope.

My older sister was always mean to me. We shared a bedroom.

At night she was so mean, I would sleep in my Mom's room.

Then I found out that she was mean to me to protect me from our older brother, who was raping her at night.

Her sacrifice to protect me because she loves me GMH.

I am speechless.
By both the brother and sister.
The kind does contrast the evil hur.

Well, tomorrow's Babe's Birthday, so I planned to buy a cake and go to her void deck to surprise her aye?

The plan was supposed to go by telling her I'm ultimately depressed by some issues in life.

Checked, done.

She replied that...SHE'S IN M'SIA.

Damn.

That's not supposed to happened.

):

Oh well, I shall study then.
>:(


.

& I think we always don't mean what we say.
It's like, towards certain issues, we'll never have a firm stand.
& life sucks in being that there's always those few that can persuade you and sway your stand better than others, maybe even yourself.

But again, it boils down to your own priorities in life.
It's actually your choice who affects you deeply.
RIGHT?

(The mind says yes, the heart guiltily shakes the head.)

.

& at times, you get disappointed with certain individuals.
But the moment he/she just turn around and whisper an apology, it's all over.
Stupid, am I?

But it's this faith that gets me through life.

It makes you a little more stupid, a little more dumb so that you are less critical and judgmental.
It makes life a little less cynical and a little more perfect.

.

And I'm biased.
I'm already making plans for a day in future, when I don't even know whether it will come true.
Just like with fairy tales, you plan for it, but you don't even know whether it will come true.

But as I re-emphasised, I'm stupid at times.
& unfortunately, it's happily being stupid.

Someday, I'll look back and exclaimed, "What a joke!"
But I'll only have myself to blame.

'Cause when you forget about it, it simply means, you can be forgotten too.
No?


I think it's time for me to stop being dumb and go on.
Go on, babe.

.

I just saw 12:22 p.m. on the computer's clock!
Happy! (:

Heh, I think I'm easily amused.
LOL.

But is also a narcissist, love her own birthday.
Hahahahahah!

But, yea, it's a good sign!
(:

.

& Anyway, I think I can be god-awful stupid at times.

Z asked me whether I believed in horoscope that day.
& the answer we derived is that I'm super biased.
If the horoscope speaks of positive stuff I'll be elated.
If it's about negativities, I'll just brush them aside.

I mean, it's a way to be more positive and optimistic in life hur.
But again, it's like self-delusion.

& it's sometimes like that in life too.

Are you a believer or a cynical individual?
It really depends on the subject aye.

Think it's intrinsically instilled in girls (most of the time, I'm not trying to be sexist) to be more idealistic.
It sucks at times, 'cause being idealistic sometimes equates to being dumb.
But again, to live without hope is so depressing.

Sigh, if only I know how to strike a healthy balance in between.

:/

.

Okay dok, went out with Z & Pat to dine at Cafe Cartel.
Much welcome after one day of Biology, the brain is screaming!

Let me show your pictures when I was 16 years old!

Look older than now?

Gosh, no wonder last time strangers always think that I'm either a university student/working already.
I still remember the incident at Takashimaya when a bank officer asked me about my retirement plans.
Thanks but no thanks.
:/

Think short hair does make me younger.
Or maybe I'm just getting more and more childish by the year.
LOL.

& Guess what, the specs done!
Finally went to make spectacles.
So yeapps, full force into mugging.
I'm gonna go fringe-less & spectacles!

Hahaha, I think I'm totally ugly at home.
But ah, I'm not pretty outside either.
It's just you know, at home, it's totally COMFORT as priority.
(:

And, I hope the pimples don't come!
GOSH, vanity, vanity.

.

Ah, back to dinner (I think my digressing skills are amazing) :
Had fun!
It's been eons since we've met up!

& thanks!

But, I'm gonna make it a point there's no more jolly merry outing for the rest of the holidays.
I really, really need to focus.

.

& the time is really wrong, because I do get distracted.
But the heart don't stop beating, in fact, it keeps us alive.

But the mind needs to build higher & thicker walls, it needs to.

Hi, I'm suffering from insomnia.
This sucks.
):

.

I think, when humans get too involved in their own lives and world, they seemed to forget that people around them may not be living as smoothly as well.
Guilty as charged : Sorry Jia, for not being there.

Ya know, I always think, is it correct for us to get so involved in studies?
I mean, books don't even have feelings and can't even talk to you.
What you're actually striving for is personal glory over a piece of certificate, no?
(Okay, think of your parents, I mean, true, you do have to answer to them)

But, is is logical for it to eat up chunks of our time, to not leave any for alone time, time for people you care?
It's no wonder it soon becomes a habit to shrug off problems and frustrations of others.

& the most stupid thing is, now, I don't even know what I want to study for university, or for that matter where.
So i'm just going to strive to get the best score I can have, and decide later.
Great, what an reassuring thought.

But ya, I know what I do have to do.
The parents do have expectations, and I think they don't want to worry over me.
& wants me to get a scholarship.
Shucks.

Yeapps.

.

The youngest kid-o in the family shall go bathe, and study.
She's happy now, 'cause she just go her caffeine shot. (:

Okay dok, I'm back in the study mode already.
But, I think in the process I became quite mad, now I've to keep walking/pacing while reading out and digesting the information.

So I went to Clementi and back, and while walking or on the bus I just kept on talking to myself.
Cool hur. :/

.

Okay, and today I add to the "New Experiences" list another item!
Congratulations to myself!

What I learn today: Vanity comes at a price - pain.

Yeapps, so today's experiment is painful!
But I'll still be doing it in near future, 'cause I'm vain.
:/

.

Snapped at bro 5 minutes ago.
& I feel seriously guilty.
):

'cause he keeps being irritating and asking me to study when I don't want him to worry.
So when I finally studied, he keep coming over to disturb me with photocopying cards.

And I raised my voice and went, "What's wrong with you? You asked me to study right?!"

Yeapps, I'm trying to appease the guilt complex.
LOL.

So now he's being very very silent.
):

SIGH.
I think I get cranky when I study.

.

Back to work!

Ya know, I tried to sleep early yesterday?

Then the brother had to decide to pack his messy room (which is thrice as neat as mine), thus proceeded to pack his stuff for army (He changed camp again, from Jurong to Yishun now), cause his logic being the bag must be packed before the room is.

Yeapps, & I think the lightbulb in his room misses him a lot.
It sizzled and fused!

In the next room, with the door closed, my fan "pssst" and stopped turning.

I was already tossing and turning, but I keep waiting for that darn brother to go do something about it.
LOL.

Unfortunately, in the entire house, only MY room blacked-out.
Even his room was fine, I don't know what kind of karma this is.
HAHAHA.

So I finally got out of bed to do the electricity switchboard, (The brother refused - and even told me to not do it, he's scared of electric shocks, though he's the Physics student.)

Hahaha, we were amused, and I was telling him, " You don't come back lah, come back and disturbed my sleep only."
But of course, every time he comes back, my mom is happy.
So why not?
Heh ~

Ah ya, point is, I've still not succeeded in keep a good sleeping pattern.
:/

And I'm still using caffeine to cheat, I doubt I will stop any time soon.

Goal 1 after As: Break the caffeine cycle.

I thought I did it during Sichuan, apparently not.
:/

.

Thinking whether to go to school to study.

.

Good morning world!
I'm still in love with "If Tomorrow Never Comes" & Ronan Keating!

Ronan Keating!


"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

.

This is really another angle of view which I've never consider.
But, ya know, you can't live everyday thinking that you're gonna die the next.

Maybe that's why I've never said "I love you" verbally to my family, and only in a joking tone with my friends.

& none at all to anybody else.

If tomorrow never comes, will I regret?

I might, but I'm still not saying it now.
:/

How open can you get with your love?

If I ever start my family, I want it to be a loving one.
One not scared to profess their love for each other.
When life gets hard, sometimes it's simple words that matter.

Yeapps, and I'll end each day with no quarrels, with a kiss each night.
Is it possible?

I'll tell you in 10 years time (I'm still 27+, too early to have a proper family?)
Make that 15 then.

But, again, what if the tomorrow that never comes, occur before 15 years?

.

Sometimes we have such ideals that we don't even know whether we can fulfill them.
We make plans, but do we get to them?

I once said I wanted to have kids in ratio of 1 biological : 1 adopted.
And I wanted 4, so 2 biological and 2 adopted.
Will it happen?

It's hard aye?
And it does depends on the husband, if there's one. :p
& the financial circumstances.
And maybe I can't even have biological ones?

Goodness.
Plans.
Ideals.

Will they ever happen?

.

End of digression.

So question is, will YOU regret when tomorrow never comes?

& I love you, the person reading this.
Because for you to discover this haven of mine, means I feel secure enough to let on to you.
& it simply means, you're a big puzzle piece in my life.

.

Finally RAN today! With G. (:

Okay dok, was supposed to go swimming in school with canoeists.
Guess what : I can't.
Damn.

Gonna study then run with Lij!

.

These few days (including yesterday) are gonna be my alone time with myself!
Need to sort out my life.
Hahaha, say until like some major crisis.

Well, considering that the room is in a mess again, and the engine's not started for studying, it's kind of a crisis. :/

.

If I get to choose, half a month ago, I would not have done what I've done.
This feeling of nothing beneath you is scary.

& The subconscious thought to think of the same thing everyday when you first wake up is scary.

I'm half out of my wits.



I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

.

it's The Real Unlimited Eternity.

Anyway, I can't figure out why the video (Dear Eliot) I posted earlier can't play when clicked.
):

.

Today before I went to school:

妈: 为什么裤子(FBT)穿那么短就出门?
乐: HUR? 你在讲爸爸啊? 不会啊， 很长!
(He was wearing long pants, if you're wondering)

LOL, then my dad was stiffing a smile.

So anyway! I have come to a conclusion:
Ya know, last time I once said that boyfriends/husbands must always be humorous.
But I've come to a revelation that, I CAN ALWAYS HUMOUR MYSELF.
Wahahahah!
So, I don't need a humorous person for boyfriend already!

(Cause you know, humorous individuals are limited in the world. If he can take jokes that's well enough. Heh~)

And I've also realized, that there's no such things in conditions or requirements.
It eventually wouldn't matter. (:

.

And today! I realized I am left with 400 RMB, not 200 RMB.
I think I'm getting more and more blur as I grow up.
o.o

I was still wondering where my money went.

.

And I finally went to make my new pair of spectacles!
I'm gonna go contact lenses free for the next few months!
(This has not happened since eons ago.)


AND I HAS DURIANS FOR DINNER!
(Y) Mommy!
Nomnom~

Today, as much as to my surprise and disbelief, the past few days were just..

PMS.

Great, in a way.
Couldn't explain the BOO! feelings.

But I don't like knowing that I can't control my emotions by myself though hormones do affect them.
BUT I DON'T LIKE.

I am an individual who can get a grip of herself, no?

Aye, but I was thinking right, when we criticise guys for being sick, why not reflect and say girls are emotional.
True ah!

Damn the hormones.

Bye, got to go inject some testosterone.

.

Anyway, I mentioned I am out to mend relationships to make HCanoe a special place right?

First stop: Georgina!
(Not exactly mend in this case, but disturb her! Heh!)

I'm gonna leave the most un-confident for the last.
'cause I'm still hesitating.
The history dates back to a long time ago, and I'm not sure if we're both able to shed the demons of the past.

.

Live life to the fullest.
There's no time to regret.

So yes, I'm not going to regret about what I did, or what has happened.

It's done, live with it.
If that's what life has in store for me, I'll take it.

I MEAN, there's always a first time in life!
So that was the first I had.
At least now I can tell Patrina, it's a traumatizing experience.

So yes, don't regret aye?
(:

I was just reading this.
OH MY GOD.

I want to paddle.
Like, NOW.








Miss being in sync, following HuiShan, recovering to parallel to ground.
OMG.
Can't tell you how proud I am of us.

(Though I know how some can never comprehend our excitement with pictures so small.
But you see, there's no photographer on water, we contend ourselves with these.
By just seeing how 2 paddles are aligned, we feel so happy.)

I'm such a freak.

.

& a stalker.
Went to read 3 blogs of people from OCIP Sichuan.
Withdrawal symptoms starts to appear.
LOL.

I miss the team.

.

I feel ): and :/ and D: and ya!
GRAH MAX.

I'm fast losing control.

F O C U S T O H J I A L E .
Love yourself before you love others.

imy

Your mom is my hero.

Sometimes, when moments are trying, it's often the make or break moments.
To be able to survive an ordeal, and to walk out of it together, really deserve my admiration.

You continue to find new ways to steal our hearts.

...say you shouldn't be alive. But you are.

Dear Eliot, thank you for being around in the world, albeit only 99 days.
I believe that everyone is here on Earth for a purpose.
May yours be for us to cherish life and to be more aware.

I once read an article, and thus formed a theory:
The worst things happen to the strongest souls living, simply because they can make it.

It may be an illogical theory, but I do believe in it.

& to me, there's always balance.
For every good thing that happens, somewhere in the corner of the world, one negative issue will occur.

So, I humour myself when the going gets tough, by telling myself, I'm experiencing this, because I can survive it. I guess that's the way I get around life.

Yet, it's sometimes really hard to remain on top of the world.
The sun doesn't always shine, and thus the smile can't always be there.
Even when I pride myself on being optimistic, and to be able to bring joy to people, sadness still visits.
Sometimes, the mind just loses to the heart.

But let these moments be only a minute fraction of the life.
Time pass even as you frown, so let's smile.

.

Since Sichuan, I've been thinking.
& today I decided that I'll embarked on a journey to rectify relationships.

I wonder, am I an escapist?
In Sichuan, emotions sneaked up on me and caught me unaware, and it's issues which should have been resolved.

I think I still haven't let go of many events.

For example, HCanoe.
I'm sorry, but's it's really a big chunk of my JC life, and in fact, my life.
I can't just end it on such an ambiguous note.
I don't want to leave knowing that not everyone is happy and fine.

Is there still time and chance to head back and say I'm sorry, but thank you for once leaving footsteps in my life?

Fate allows people to meet. But effort is the factor that essentially binds us together.
Before we pass judgments, let's all give it a try.

IN CONCLUSION: I AM GONNA TRY AND REACH PEOPLE I ONCE CONDEMNED.

How.

I think I did smth wrongly.
But I can't undo.

Can we really keep it up and be what we want..or rather what I requested?

I wish sincerely.
But am I too idealistic?

Wo hou hui le.

Hey, it's like, 6 months since I lasted posted here!

9 memorable days have just passed by - OCIP Sichuan 2010.
I wish sincerely that these 25 souls will remained entwined together in the future, and not become parallel lines in the journey of life.

Will update more about OCIP in future! (if I decide to, since I wrote down reflections almost daily)

.

Things aside, I think I've never been so willingly caught in a confusing situation.

Friends are reassuring me how the differences and anomalies does not matter.
Before this, if you give me this scenario I will say that it's not a problem, and if roles are reversed, I will insist that it will be okay.

But when I'm involved, it just seems weird.
It seem unsuitable and inappropriate.
But I can't seem to pull myself out either.

I'm scared for what will happen.
Am I ready?

.

Hope Qian will have fun at Shanghai Expo! (: Newer Posts

tohjiale
22/12/92
jiale22@hotmail.com
HCanoe
red;orange;yellow

theTAKEonFRIENSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS.

Came across this today, true hur. There's always regrets we have in life. But ah well, be glad that it happened before. (:

Gonna go on a short break after blocks, and meet up with people! (:
I miss so, so, so many people!
It's really easy to get 'caught up' with life!



A happy scene which tugs at my heart. The lovely people I meet in my life.

I hoped that the 25 won't separate.

Sorry, but now, I think I was being too idealistic.
I mean, even for the people I hold dear, I don't have the confidence that I can remain this way with them.
Or rather, I feel that I've already drifted from some.
Sigh.

Let's just be glad that we once had each other.





Heard this song while studying - Paint my Love by Michael Learns to Rock

From my youngest years till this moment here
I've never seen such a lovely queen
From the skies above to the deepest love
I've never felt crazy like this before

Paint my love, you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Been around the world then I met you girl
It's like coming home to a place I've known

Paint my love, you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Since you came into my life
The days before all fade to black and white
Since you came into my life
Everything has changed

Paint my love, you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love, my love

Paint my love, oh you should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby you should paint my love

Question: How would you paint yours?

Mine would be : A MESS.
Why? 'cause I don't know how to paint. :p
HAHAHAHHAHAA.

Just thought it's quite an interesting notion.
Would it be abstract, or of an object, or of your mommy/daddy, or of an old couple?

Or simply just a red heart. Yes, boring.


Wasn't well to go school today, missed the Econs Paper.
This might just be a blessing in disguise.
Ah well, got 2 days worth of MC.

.

Anyway, I successfully learnt how to fold a straw heart!
The hand almost cramped!
& the product is...distorted.
SIGH.

.

Daiso just opened relatively near my house!
Happy!
(But it's a curse, 'cause I will spend $)

.

I'm just a girl, & this fact makes me hesitate.
Yet, too much thoughts get me distracted and far away from the real world.
I feel shitty.
):

(I wonder, how do we know that shit feels negative? Maybe they're happy being shit, yet we keep using them as a negative noun..OKAY, the brain's not quite right.)

Just feel nua, and sick.
):


.

I had a dream, which I finally can remember like 5sec of it?
I dreamed that you read through all my reflections, even the weird and confidential ones.
I got a shock.

Not long after, I woke up.

.


Some of the love of my life!

Apollo & Athena Pull-Over! Having older siblings is the love!
(But actually we exchanged, HAHAHA, mine was Athena, hers Apollo)

The most beautiful thing is that hand! HAHAHHA, but for once the fingers don't appear stubby! (:


HAHAHA, guess who's the retard who came up with this idea!
(Sometimes I think I should have been born a guy, where got girls like that de!!!)

Hahaha, did all these after we got tired of studying!

.
LYMPH-NODE-INFLAMMATION!
Hello world, I am alive, with 3 lumps in my lymph nodes at the neck.

I was freaked out man!

'cause since young I kept reading the swelling of lymph nodes are always negative signals by your body!
I.e. HIV, and cancer!
O M G.

Since I won't get HIV, I kept thinking - CANCER.
SCARY!

For your information, lymph nodes aids in carrying lymphocytes (white blood cells!), and the liquid surrounding your cell tissue, thus acting as 'cleaners' of your body.
Yeapps, so if something's wrong, means your immune system is not well, I THINK.

Yea, and the story goes that 2 days ago I awoke feeling pain and fatigue at the neck area. I assumed I had bad sleeping posture.

But this morning while I was bathing I realised the left neck is swollen with 1/2 lumps!
Shocked me, but didn't tell dad/mom.

Hahha, spent the whole of today touching my neck!
For a moment it would be super swollen, then it would appear less.
Then there would be, 1, 2 then 3, then 1 lumps and they move around!
LOL, okay la, it became rather amusing after awhile but it's frightening k?
):

Being skittish I went to visit the doc after studying with G and Lij.
He proclaimed it's just inflammation so phew!

& he's damn funny.

I.
Me: Why only one side swollen?
Doc: YOU WANT 2 AH?
Me: -.-

II.
Me: Why will it get inflamed?
Doc: *grins* That's the million dollar question! Nobody knows."
Me: -.-

.

Yeapps, and though he claims it's small case, he gave me 65 pills and I'm supposed to finish all, even if the swelling disperses.
o.o

GRAH.
It's hard to keep track of time aye.
What more me who is so scattered-brained.

So I'm gonna start at 10 p.m. today.

SO HI KIND SOULS, you can always feel free to sms me at 8am, or 4pm to ask me to take my antibiotics only, the yellow and red pills.
& 10am for the anti-inflammation pill.
and 10 p.m. again for both!

:D

Apparently if it doesn't stop swelling in 1 or 2 weeks it's trouble, so let's hope it does!

AND I AM GRATEFUL IT'S THE LYMPH NODES AT THE NECK WHICH ARE SWOLLEN.
Why, you ask?
It definitely beats lymph nodes at groin area being swollen hur!

.

Hahhahaha, just told my mom 'cause I want her to sponsor my doctor visit.
LOL!
She nicely cooked soup for me 'cause she's worried I'm too heaty.
(Y) mommy!

.

theTHOUGHTS.
Anyway at the clinic, a man who claimed he had heart attack cut my queue though he entered late.
It's okay la, 'cause heart attack right?

But after that we realised it's just paranoia, but quite frightening ley!
The son was with him, about secondary 2?

And he began to nag him after the visit.
Apparently the dad keep eating overly-heaty stuff like Tongkat Ali and Ginseng, etc, and drinks too much beer.

Witnessing the scene I felt...*indescribable*
I mean, we always experience such scenes with the roles reversed no?
(No, I don't mean the situation whereby the son eats Ginseng and drinks beer.)

Just felt that while it's a blessing for people around you to love you and cherish you, there comes a responsibility with it.
It's like accountability too.

Staying answerable not just to yourself but people who love you.
You can't expect them to love you but not care aye?

It's just a plain and simple package.

But why in this case, is the dad the insensible individual?
It's kinda unfair to burden YOUR SON with such troubles, no?
I could really sense the son's anxiety and frustration.
My heart went out to him in that moment.

How I would panicked if my loved one tell me he's experiencing a heart attack.
OMG.

.

PEOPLE, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF K?

I know the end of the world might be coming, but even if that's so, let's at the minimum die together.

.

HAhaha, I feel super drained!
GUESS WHAT, I'm sleeping!

Nights, sweet dreams (of me)!!
Things always happen for a reason; and what's meant to be, is.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MOTIVATIONAL, NO?

But I always use this to tell myself to let go off things which requires a hard fight.
Am I a quitter?

Well, if I am, then on a brighter note, I'm an optimistic quitter.
DOES THAT HELP?

Gosh.

& I came across this:
Letting go is when you have fought your hardest and the last solution is to stop holding on.
Other than that, all situations are considered giving up.

Sounds meaningful aye?
But I saw this on a drama (what more translated), so how true is this?

& right, I think is challenging to fight for your hardest.
Especially if the fight is on display for others to watch, regardless are they rooting for you or waiting for your downfall.
It's just weird, with a big audience.

Only people who truly are firm believers of themselves, and brave enough, will act according to their consciences and not what the public/majority perceive correct, no?

YEA, so it's really about how you pushed the limit set by yourself/others.
& thus the line that truly separate letting go and giving up is unclear hur, just like everything else in the world.

SO, the option is to stay answerable to yourself?
IS IT ONLY THAT?

.

I sound agitated.
o.o

.

ANYWAY, looking forward to after blocks!

- Donate blood
- Kayaking at MarinaBay w Team (Pending approval)
- CIP w LOVELY GIRLS (Pending approval too)
- Local CIP w SichuanTeam


(:

.



Saw this on YanPing's blog!
I literally LOL!
o.o

Heh heh!
Sometimes, life really doesn't give you what you want.
But again, I don't think I've worked extremely hard for it.

.

I hope when the time comes for the plans, the plans will work.
I really do hope so, 'cause I did put in effort for it.
But I don't have a good gut feeling 'bout it.
):

.

Bro is on guard duty today, so ain't home yet.
Actually, quite grateful towards him, genuinely.
'cause he keep helping to go to the fishfarm to help out this year, so I can concentrate on canoeing then in Feb-Apr, and studies now.
Only on rare occasions, when he needs to do guard duty, I'll go.
Hahhaa, and last year we all said he's the laziest.

(AND I KEEP WANTING TO BUY HIM A POLO TEE BUT HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO IT!)

I don't think I'm very close to my family (my fault, I guess) but at certain times, I'm still grateful for just the mere presence of them.
Ya know, it's like not super-ly close, but their existence brings normalcy and reassurances to your life.

Sometimes, I wonder, do I take them for granted to a LARGE extent.
As in, I think I for sure, do take them for granted, but is to what extent.

Though since young, I always had my own ideals towards a home.
But I think, it's because I already have a fundamentally warm home, thus I dare to dream for a better situation.
In the sense that I am brought up to believe in 'home'.

(Hahhaa, I think I'm talking in a language only I understand, but it's okay, MY BLOG.)

Yeapps, but I think, it's actually very hard to maintain a home?
What more one which is 6 member.
I mean, it's not just like SIMS or whatever yes, with only 1 mind controlling.
It's 6 unique personalties, and temperaments, and ideas, and opinions.
Gosh.

YEA!

& I think someone always makes the biggest sacrifice.

You know, I always begrudge mom for getting too hysterical at times, when having a quarrel with dad or something.
& I so hate those falling outs, which is so frequent in the past, but events which I just couldn't get used to and wake up crying.
& I really dislike it when she involve us the kids, like asking us to take a side.

I really don't like it.
& I remember breaking down in school, 'cause they quarreled in the morning, before they dropped me off in BPGHS.
LOL, it's quite dumb, now in retrospect.

But, I think, she really sacrificed a lot.

I mean, 4 kids is really very hard to bring up.
:/

I still remember all the stories which now we laughed about, but must have brought her a lot of troubles.
Hahahaha.
& I grew up to become a rebel at a certain point in time, and she slapped me, I still remember.
Sigh, the embarrassing past.

Yea, though she may be deemed as not keeping up with trends and whatever, I think it's really a package she chose to take in life.
I mean, to become a housewife is really...ZAI.

Can't imagine.

But ah, I've never seriously told her how I feel also.
& I get impatient and stuff.
Sigh.

Weird weird.

.

It's like 5.13 am and I'm doing this, I don't know what's wrong with me.
LOL.

.

And I wonder, after I truly grow up, will my ideals and aspirations in life change?
Will I still have time to render help to others?
Will i get so self-obsessed that I lose track of what I really want, and just work aimlessly, towards something I don't even know?

I always think that, no matter what you say in present, it's always only words.
By the time you get to the situation you imagined, your actions might by the complete opposite.
I hope this does not happen.

I respect my own principles in life a lot, so I hope I'll stick by them.

.

Yeapps, current goal for the moment:

- Become a regular blood donor (IF PASS)

But, again, it's actually a dilemma to just say you wanna volunteer and serve the community leh.
I feel really uncomfortable when the eyes keep twitching, or rather, the right eye.
Especially the right upper lid.

& It has been twitching since yesterday.
):

Hope it's nothing.
Grah.

Am I too superstitious?
LOL.

*eye twitches again.*

Saw this ridiculous thing:
星期四左：会有想不到的现实 右：对任何事都不能管！！
星期五左：有人MISS你··· 右：将会发生幸福大事！

Thanks, maybe I'll feel really blessed and fortunate tonight.

& let's just say the scientific explanation is that I'm too tired.
True, hasn't been sleeping properly.
I AM VERY VERY ANGRY WITH MYSELF.
jh,kfgqzdsgbadhvnbxcjkhblakszdbgnvk,ladsbklwoiegeqkjgb,avmhvgbpqilkfhn;qhosdvbgf,skj
Do I need your permission to carry on?
Hahahahaha, today I went to celebrate Babe's birthday!
(*point to the name that's my post title excitedly!)


Met her, (late, due to the sudden & irritating rain) and headed to Rail Mall!
(:
Brought her for a treat at some place I thought had good review, but it's only okay.
SIGH. ):


But we still had a great time!
Met babe's babe - Lester, at the cafe for the second time.
Evidently he's jealous that TingYan and me are gonna have alone time.
HAHAHAHHA.
Now, look who's the idiot who placed their anniversary on my birthday.
>:(
HAHAHHA~

Hahahaha, but it's okay la, just that in the end I became the lightbulb when I'm the one who initiated the celebration!
WHY IS GOD SO MEAN TO ME.
:/
ROARS. Hahahahaha~

• FOOOOOOOOOOOD!

(Left to right, up to down!)
1. The Lemongrass drinks we all had.
2. The cream of mushroom Ting & I had
3. Lester's ABC soup
4. My Linguine w Laksa Leaf Pesto (TingYan chose the food)
5. TingYan's Carbonara

Was reading the blood donation webpage, then I saw this cool thing : APHERESIS.
It's like donating a blood component, plasma or platelets in high concentration, but with the red blood cells returned to the body.
It's thus more physically draining, but you can donate monthly, unlike normal blood donation, every 3 months.

Yea, then I was so excited.

BUT THE REQUIREMENTS ARE:

• Weigh more than 50 kg;
• Be at least 18 years old;
• Cannot be more than 50 years old (for new apheresis donors only);
• Have donated blood at least once before; and
• Have arm veins of a suitable size.

Yeapps, so looks like let's donate normal blood first!
& I don't even know whether I can donate cause of vessel size and the haemoglobin level, etc.

But yea, worth a try!
(:

Will go pull more people to go with me on the virgin blood donation day!
:D
Hey, I thought I said that I was supposed to go on a hiatus?
But, ya know, it's kind of a habit already.

.

Okay, G, QiTian & me will be going to donate blood after blocks!
But I think it's gonna be a more troublesome affair for me 'cause I still need parents' consent & now I don't even have the form yet.

Hahaha, was trying to find bloodmobiles in the West side, and I realised QiTian stays in the East.

LOL.

Anyway, I just think that we're very funny.
Compared to people staying in other countries, to be able to travel from the east to the west in a mere hour is a cool thing aye?
But we grumble.
HAHAHAHAHA.
This is just another thing we take for granted.

.

That day after accompanying Pat to wait for bus, I've this random thought.
Ya know, I always had this habit of either walking the friend home first (specifically OngTingYan) before returning home, or at least wait for their bus before boarding mine/going home, even if mine does come first.

Then, when I entered HwaChong, I lost that habit (slightly), thought I still deliberately not board certain buses (like 171, or 170) to go home with Rachel (67) and YiJia (961).

It sucks when everybody is not living near each other hur.
):

But, it also comes to another thing.
It's really how you prioritise people aye?

It's true that I will still choose to go home with Rachel despite say another random friend was with us and can take the 3 other buses.
I'll still miss the bus and go home with her.

But eh, I realised, I'm starting to forgo such habit for my own time.
SOMETIMES LA.

'cause bus journeys is always so long, and some always think that such habit are a waste of time.

But I do find joy in doing such things leh.

SO I MUST CONTINUE TO DO SUCH THINGS K?

Yet sometimes there's internal dilemma, cause I do have this habit of reading on buses.
So it's like, you can save time by taking the first bus, and have your own time on the entire bus journey!

(YOU KNOW, TOHJIALE'S SELFISH THOUGHTS, ETC.)

Do we, or specifically me, grow up to become more selfish?
I hope not, but I think so.
Ugh.

& sometimes, people you always do such things for, also take it for granted ley.
NO MEH.
But, again, you can't expect them to kowtow every time what, so dumb.


AIYA, I'm just thinking in circles, as usual.
:/

The only thing for sure is, when I had to make a choice, and I chose to stay, it just means the heart treasures that idiot who make me waste my time willingly la.
HAHAHA.

.

& I think when we're young we had stupid aspirations, like the boyfriend must be gentlemanly enough to send you home.
Damn, so dumb.

Just part and say goodbye.
(I think I'm getting less romantic, ah, sigh.)

But really, it's quite ridiculously stupid!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAA.

So conclusion is: YOU DO SAVE A LOT MORE TIME BY BEING ON YOUR OWN AND BECOMING A LONER.

But sadly, humans are group animals.
Dear Sirs and Mams, this Maria over here is going on a hiatus.

I hope the pay will not be deducted!

.

I was just thinking that I should stick by my principles in life.
LIKE SERIOUSLY.

Hi, you're not good enough for me.
'Cause you fall short in condition #1 - the most important.

.


This is too cute!
Hahahaha~

.

The voice of Mickey Mouse for 32 years (Wayne Allwine), and the current voice of Minnie Mouse (Russi Taylor, voiceover since 1986) were actually married in real life.

Awww, so sweet ~
& The real minnie mouse woman is really very cute (:
~!@#$%^&*()
Was reading LoveGivesMeHope.

My older sister was always mean to me. We shared a bedroom.

At night she was so mean, I would sleep in my Mom's room.

Then I found out that she was mean to me to protect me from our older brother, who was raping her at night.

Her sacrifice to protect me because she loves me GMH.

I am speechless.
By both the brother and sister.
The kind does contrast the evil hur.
Well, tomorrow's Babe's Birthday, so I planned to buy a cake and go to her void deck to surprise her aye?

The plan was supposed to go by telling her I'm ultimately depressed by some issues in life.

Checked, done.

She replied that...SHE'S IN M'SIA.

Damn.

That's not supposed to happened.

):

Oh well, I shall study then.
>:(


.

& I think we always don't mean what we say.
It's like, towards certain issues, we'll never have a firm stand.
& life sucks in being that there's always those few that can persuade you and sway your stand better than others, maybe even yourself.

But again, it boils down to your own priorities in life.
It's actually your choice who affects you deeply.
RIGHT?

(The mind says yes, the heart guiltily shakes the head.)

.

& at times, you get disappointed with certain individuals.
But the moment he/she just turn around and whisper an apology, it's all over.
Stupid, am I?

But it's this faith that gets me through life.

It makes you a little more stupid, a little more dumb so that you are less critical and judgmental.
It makes life a little less cynical and a little more perfect.

.

And I'm biased.
I'm already making plans for a day in future, when I don't even know whether it will come true.
Just like with fairy tales, you plan for it, but you don't even know whether it will come true.

But as I re-emphasised, I'm stupid at times.
& unfortunately, it's happily being stupid.

Someday, I'll look back and exclaimed, "What a joke!"
But I'll only have myself to blame.
'Cause when you forget about it, it simply means, you can be forgotten too.
No?


I think it's time for me to stop being dumb and go on.
Go on, babe.

.

I just saw 12:22 p.m. on the computer's clock!
Happy! (:

Heh, I think I'm easily amused.
LOL.

But is also a narcissist, love her own birthday.
Hahahahahah!

But, yea, it's a good sign!
(:

.

& Anyway, I think I can be god-awful stupid at times.

Z asked me whether I believed in horoscope that day.
& the answer we derived is that I'm super biased.
If the horoscope speaks of positive stuff I'll be elated.
If it's about negativities, I'll just brush them aside.

I mean, it's a way to be more positive and optimistic in life hur.
But again, it's like self-delusion.

& it's sometimes like that in life too.

Are you a believer or a cynical individual?
It really depends on the subject aye.

Think it's intrinsically instilled in girls (most of the time, I'm not trying to be sexist) to be more idealistic.
It sucks at times, 'cause being idealistic sometimes equates to being dumb.
But again, to live without hope is so depressing.

Sigh, if only I know how to strike a healthy balance in between.

:/

.
Okay dok, went out with Z & Pat to dine at Cafe Cartel.
Much welcome after one day of Biology, the brain is screaming!

Let me show your pictures when I was 16 years old!

Look older than now?

Gosh, no wonder last time strangers always think that I'm either a university student/working already.
I still remember the incident at Takashimaya when a bank officer asked me about my retirement plans.
Thanks but no thanks.
:/

Think short hair does make me younger.
Or maybe I'm just getting more and more childish by the year.
LOL.

& Guess what, the specs done!
Finally went to make spectacles.
So yeapps, full force into mugging.
I'm gonna go fringe-less & spectacles!

Hahaha, I think I'm totally ugly at home.
But ah, I'm not pretty outside either.
It's just you know, at home, it's totally COMFORT as priority.
(:

And, I hope the pimples don't come!
GOSH, vanity, vanity.

.

Ah, back to dinner (I think my digressing skills are amazing) :
Had fun!
It's been eons since we've met up!

& thanks!

But, I'm gonna make it a point there's no more jolly merry outing for the rest of the holidays.
I really, really need to focus.

.

& the time is really wrong, because I do get distracted.
But the heart don't stop beating, in fact, it keeps us alive.

But the mind needs to build higher & thicker walls, it needs to.
Hi, I'm suffering from insomnia.
This sucks.
):

.

I think, when humans get too involved in their own lives and world, they seemed to forget that people around them may not be living as smoothly as well.
Guilty as charged : Sorry Jia, for not being there.

Ya know, I always think, is it correct for us to get so involved in studies?
I mean, books don't even have feelings and can't even talk to you.
What you're actually striving for is personal glory over a piece of certificate, no?
(Okay, think of your parents, I mean, true, you do have to answer to them)

But, is is logical for it to eat up chunks of our time, to not leave any for alone time, time for people you care?
It's no wonder it soon becomes a habit to shrug off problems and frustrations of others.

& the most stupid thing is, now, I don't even know what I want to study for university, or for that matter where.
So i'm just going to strive to get the best score I can have, and decide later.
Great, what an reassuring thought.

But ya, I know what I do have to do.
The parents do have expectations, and I think they don't want to worry over me.
& wants me to get a scholarship.
Shucks.

Yeapps.

.

The youngest kid-o in the family shall go bathe, and study.
She's happy now, 'cause she just go her caffeine shot. (:
Okay dok, I'm back in the study mode already.
But, I think in the process I became quite mad, now I've to keep walking/pacing while reading out and digesting the information.

So I went to Clementi and back, and while walking or on the bus I just kept on talking to myself.
Cool hur. :/

.

Okay, and today I add to the "New Experiences" list another item!
Congratulations to myself!

What I learn today: Vanity comes at a price - pain.

Yeapps, so today's experiment is painful!
But I'll still be doing it in near future, 'cause I'm vain.
:/

.

Snapped at bro 5 minutes ago.
& I feel seriously guilty.
):

'cause he keeps being irritating and asking me to study when I don't want him to worry.
So when I finally studied, he keep coming over to disturb me with photocopying cards.

And I raised my voice and went, "What's wrong with you? You asked me to study right?!"

Yeapps, I'm trying to appease the guilt complex.
LOL.

So now he's being very very silent.
):

SIGH.
I think I get cranky when I study.

.

Back to work!
Ya know, I tried to sleep early yesterday?

Then the brother had to decide to pack his messy room (which is thrice as neat as mine), thus proceeded to pack his stuff for army (He changed camp again, from Jurong to Yishun now), cause his logic being the bag must be packed before the room is.

Yeapps, & I think the lightbulb in his room misses him a lot.
It sizzled and fused!

In the next room, with the door closed, my fan "pssst" and stopped turning.

I was already tossing and turning, but I keep waiting for that darn brother to go do something about it.
LOL.

Unfortunately, in the entire house, only MY room blacked-out.
Even his room was fine, I don't know what kind of karma this is.
HAHAHA.

So I finally got out of bed to do the electricity switchboard, (The brother refused - and even told me to not do it, he's scared of electric shocks, though he's the Physics student.)

Hahaha, we were amused, and I was telling him, " You don't come back lah, come back and disturbed my sleep only."
But of course, every time he comes back, my mom is happy.
So why not?
Heh ~

Ah ya, point is, I've still not succeeded in keep a good sleeping pattern.
:/

And I'm still using caffeine to cheat, I doubt I will stop any time soon.

Goal 1 after As: Break the caffeine cycle.

I thought I did it during Sichuan, apparently not.
:/

.

Thinking whether to go to school to study.

.

Good morning world!
I'm still in love with "If Tomorrow Never Comes" & Ronan Keating!
Ronan Keating!


"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

.

This is really another angle of view which I've never consider.
But, ya know, you can't live everyday thinking that you're gonna die the next.

Maybe that's why I've never said "I love you" verbally to my family, and only in a joking tone with my friends.

& none at all to anybody else.

If tomorrow never comes, will I regret?

I might, but I'm still not saying it now.
:/

How open can you get with your love?

If I ever start my family, I want it to be a loving one.
One not scared to profess their love for each other.
When life gets hard, sometimes it's simple words that matter.

Yeapps, and I'll end each day with no quarrels, with a kiss each night.
Is it possible?

I'll tell you in 10 years time (I'm still 27+, too early to have a proper family?)
Make that 15 then.

But, again, what if the tomorrow that never comes, occur before 15 years?

.

Sometimes we have such ideals that we don't even know whether we can fulfill them.
We make plans, but do we get to them?

I once said I wanted to have kids in ratio of 1 biological : 1 adopted.
And I wanted 4, so 2 biological and 2 adopted.
Will it happen?

It's hard aye?
And it does depends on the husband, if there's one. :p
& the financial circumstances.
And maybe I can't even have biological ones?

Goodness.
Plans.
Ideals.

Will they ever happen?

.

End of digression.

So question is, will YOU regret when tomorrow never comes?

& I love you, the person reading this.
Because for you to discover this haven of mine, means I feel secure enough to let on to you.
& it simply means, you're a big puzzle piece in my life.

.

Finally RAN today! With G. (:
Okay dok, was supposed to go swimming in school with canoeists.
Guess what : I can't.
Damn.

Gonna study then run with Lij!

.

These few days (including yesterday) are gonna be my alone time with myself!
Need to sort out my life.
Hahaha, say until like some major crisis.

Well, considering that the room is in a mess again, and the engine's not started for studying, it's kind of a crisis. :/

.

If I get to choose, half a month ago, I would not have done what I've done.
This feeling of nothing beneath you is scary.

& The subconscious thought to think of the same thing everyday when you first wake up is scary.

I'm half out of my wits.


I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

.

it's The Real Unlimited Eternity.
Anyway, I can't figure out why the video (Dear Eliot) I posted earlier can't play when clicked.
):

.

Today before I went to school:

妈: 为什么裤子(FBT)穿那么短就出门?
乐: HUR? 你在讲爸爸啊? 不会啊， 很长!
(He was wearing long pants, if you're wondering)

LOL, then my dad was stiffing a smile.

So anyway! I have come to a conclusion:
Ya know, last time I once said that boyfriends/husbands must always be humorous.
But I've come to a revelation that, I CAN ALWAYS HUMOUR MYSELF.
Wahahahah!
So, I don't need a humorous person for boyfriend already!

(Cause you know, humorous individuals are limited in the world. If he can take jokes that's well enough. Heh~)

And I've also realized, that there's no such things in conditions or requirements.
It eventually wouldn't matter. (:

.

And today! I realized I am left with 400 RMB, not 200 RMB.
I think I'm getting more and more blur as I grow up.
o.o

I was still wondering where my money went.

.

And I finally went to make my new pair of spectacles!
I'm gonna go contact lenses free for the next few months!
(This has not happened since eons ago.)


AND I HAS DURIANS FOR DINNER!
(Y) Mommy!
Nomnom~
Today, as much as to my surprise and disbelief, the past few days were just..

PMS.

Great, in a way.
Couldn't explain the BOO! feelings.

But I don't like knowing that I can't control my emotions by myself though hormones do affect them.
BUT I DON'T LIKE.

I am an individual who can get a grip of herself, no?

Aye, but I was thinking right, when we criticise guys for being sick, why not reflect and say girls are emotional.
True ah!

Damn the hormones.

Bye, got to go inject some testosterone.

.

Anyway, I mentioned I am out to mend relationships to make HCanoe a special place right?

First stop: Georgina!
(Not exactly mend in this case, but disturb her! Heh!)

I'm gonna leave the most un-confident for the last.
'cause I'm still hesitating.
The history dates back to a long time ago, and I'm not sure if we're both able to shed the demons of the past.

.

Live life to the fullest.
There's no time to regret.

So yes, I'm not going to regret about what I did, or what has happened.

It's done, live with it.
If that's what life has in store for me, I'll take it.

I MEAN, there's always a first time in life!
So that was the first I had.
At least now I can tell Patrina, it's a traumatizing experience.

So yes, don't regret aye?
(:
I was just reading this.
OH MY GOD.

I want to paddle.
Like, NOW.








Miss being in sync, following HuiShan, recovering to parallel to ground.
OMG.
Can't tell you how proud I am of us.

(Though I know how some can never comprehend our excitement with pictures so small.
But you see, there's no photographer on water, we contend ourselves with these.
By just seeing how 2 paddles are aligned, we feel so happy.)

I'm such a freak.

.

& a stalker.
Went to read 3 blogs of people from OCIP Sichuan.
Withdrawal symptoms starts to appear.
LOL.

I miss the team.

.

I feel ): and :/ and D: and ya!
GRAH MAX.

I'm fast losing control.

F O C U S T O H J I A L E .
Love yourself before you love others.

imy

Your mom is my hero.

Sometimes, when moments are trying, it's often the make or break moments.
To be able to survive an ordeal, and to walk out of it together, really deserve my admiration.

You continue to find new ways to steal our hearts.

...say you shouldn't be alive. But you are.

Dear Eliot, thank you for being around in the world, albeit only 99 days.
I believe that everyone is here on Earth for a purpose.
May yours be for us to cherish life and to be more aware.

I once read an article, and thus formed a theory:
The worst things happen to the strongest souls living, simply because they can make it.

It may be an illogical theory, but I do believe in it.

& to me, there's always balance.
For every good thing that happens, somewhere in the corner of the world, one negative issue will occur.

So, I humour myself when the going gets tough, by telling myself, I'm experiencing this, because I can survive it. I guess that's the way I get around life.

Yet, it's sometimes really hard to remain on top of the world.
The sun doesn't always shine, and thus the smile can't always be there.
Even when I pride myself on being optimistic, and to be able to bring joy to people, sadness still visits.
Sometimes, the mind just loses to the heart.

But let these moments be only a minute fraction of the life.
Time pass even as you frown, so let's smile.

.

Since Sichuan, I've been thinking.
& today I decided that I'll embarked on a journey to rectify relationships.

I wonder, am I an escapist?
In Sichuan, emotions sneaked up on me and caught me unaware, and it's issues which should have been resolved.

I think I still haven't let go of many events.

For example, HCanoe.
I'm sorry, but's it's really a big chunk of my JC life, and in fact, my life.
I can't just end it on such an ambiguous note.
I don't want to leave knowing that not everyone is happy and fine.

Is there still time and chance to head back and say I'm sorry, but thank you for once leaving footsteps in my life?

Fate allows people to meet. But effort is the factor that essentially binds us together.
Before we pass judgments, let's all give it a try.

IN CONCLUSION: I AM GONNA TRY AND REACH PEOPLE I ONCE CONDEMNED.
How.

I think I did smth wrongly.
But I can't undo.

Can we really keep it up and be what we want..or rather what I requested?

I wish sincerely.
But am I too idealistic?

Wo hou hui le.
Hey, it's like, 6 months since I lasted posted here!

9 memorable days have just passed by - OCIP Sichuan 2010.
I wish sincerely that these 25 souls will remained entwined together in the future, and not become parallel lines in the journey of life.

Will update more about OCIP in future! (if I decide to, since I wrote down reflections almost daily)

.

Things aside, I think I've never been so willingly caught in a confusing situation.

Friends are reassuring me how the differences and anomalies does not matter.
Before this, if you give me this scenario I will say that it's not a problem, and if roles are reversed, I will insist that it will be okay.

But when I'm involved, it just seems weird.
It seem unsuitable and inappropriate.
But I can't seem to pull myself out either.

I'm scared for what will happen.
Am I ready?

.

Hope Qian will have fun at Shanghai Expo! (: Newer Posts

By post:

1. Chapter 258:
2. Chapter 256:
3. Chapter 255:
4. Chapter 254:
5. Chapter 253:
6. Chapter 252:
7. Chapter 251:
8. Chapter 250:
9. Chapter 249:
10. Chapter 248:

By month:

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

December 2009

June 2010

July 2010

August 2010

September 2010

October 2010

November 2010

December 2010

January 2011

February 2011

March 2011

April 2011

May 2011

June 2011

July 2011

August 2011

September 2011

October 2011

November 2011

January 2012

Patrina
YianLu

ChunHou
Crystal
HeeYi
Jayken
Kenneth
TingYan
WeiLi
YiJia
ZhengWei

Chuin Yin
Georgina
HuiShan
LimMin
Lousia
QiTian
Sandy
XinFang
YiXian

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