Sunday, October 16, 2011
Chapter 251:
at 11:41
Life overwhelms me.
Just thought that I can relate very well to the analogy of life to a juggling act.
I recall it being that family, love, studies, etc are all balls that one juggles through his/her life. But, the trick is that certain balls you hold in your hand are glass - once dropped, they'll shatter.
And that's how I feel like now.
I think I'm fine as a student, and I think it's the first time in my life I was ever so committed to studying and doing my work. I think I'm a great project mate who gets things done. (It's a fact.)
Sadly, I think I fail as a daughter/sister. I face so much inertia at doing things which I should be when I'm in my comfort zone - home.
Somehow, there's a never-ending list of responsibilities but I can never get started on them.
I make promises every week that I'll start next week but somehow I never did.
I made promises after that incident, and I kept it, for months, till school started.
Maybe I just suck so badly at managing roles and commitments in life. Ugh.
Sigh, how I wish there's a ctrl+r function in life.
& since there aren't any, I just have to better myself as a working system so that I can work smoothly in all aspect.
I am still lacking.
And things that don't get done are solely, my responsibility and hence my fault.
Hokay, time to start work for the day. Marhhhhh.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Chapter 250:
at 19:24
I need to be happier.
I think.
But how?
Monday, October 10, 2011
Chapter 249:
at 00:41
A little bird told me this story today:
A man and lady was married 27 years ago. This man had never shopped for his shirts 'cause his lady helped him buy 2-3 shirt every year, without fail. She knows his size and preferred brand and never once did she stopped.
It became their habit, she buys and he wears. No complaints from either party.
A few months ago, the man passed away. The lady was devastated, and till now, is still in grief. But of course, being the strong woman she is, she carried on with life, being strong for kids and her kids being strong for her.
A few days ago, she went to take a walk around town herself, a break from the daily routine of her life. Instead of going to the departmental store she was used to, which had the men's section on another level, she went to another branch.
To her dismay, the men's section of this branch was right in front of her once she stepped in. Looking at the array of men's clothes, and how she used to buy it for her man, and how she couldn't anymore, she teared up right there in the department store.
27 years. That's a really long time, isn't it?
Long enough for habits to form, but still too short when it's measured in terms of life.
.
Funny how grief just sneaks up upon you, catching you unaware.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Chapter 248:
at 12:56
I wanted to send an sms to a friend.
And the iPhone just automatically found your name 'cause of my typo.
It appeared on the top of my list.
& a wave of sadness just wash over me anew.
I still rmb the other time when your name appeared on my phone as an incoming call.
Staring in shock for 2 seconds, to realise it's just someone else using your phone to call me.
& once again, tears just stream down while I sat there alone, thinking of you.
d, imy.
(I feel like crying again now.)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Chapter 247:
at 19:50
Yesterday, I finished Silent Boy by Torey Hayden.
It was my second time reading but the first read was quite few years back.
It somehow didn't left such an impact on me the other time round.
I cried after finishing the book. Didn't exactly know why.
It just somehow touched me immensely.
Maybe gaining a few years of age gave wisdom and experiences that I no longer see things at such surface value.
I had always been intrigued by abuse and special education.
I have read dozens of books on abuse, autism and special Ed.
But suddenly ytd, the abuse depicted on the book and how he stepped out of it just touched me so much.
Just made me realise how parents really do impact their children.
And how blessed my childhood was to have wonderful role models.
And the complexity of the issue just made me cry.
It also make me question why didn't I read psychology/sociology,
Why didn't I want to try to help these children?
Why did working at Eden discourage me from working as a specal ed teacher?
Why did money eventually work its way into the equation and make me choose the pragmatic route in life?
And after all this - what's the purpose in life if not to help others? Newer Posts
