Sunday, September 18, 2011
Chapter 245:
at 11:01
Yesterday, woke up at ~ 8pm after a super long afternoon nap to see my 2 sisters drinking red wine in the kitchen. Had dinner & joined them.
We talked till about 1030 pm, and somehow, all 3 of us just ended up tearing up towards the end when we spoke of what had happened and how much we missed him.
We tried to recall the last photo taken, the next expected photo which would never come true.
While I can't stop the bouts of sadness that hit me unexpectedly, I am still rather zen about the entire episode. I am past the point where I kept blaming myself for not being engulfed in depression every single waking minute, fearing that I love him too little. But I guess it's just my optimistic nature and take in life.
I don't know when was the point in time when we started dismissing the idea of death. I remember I use to cry myself to sleep when I was young, fearing that death will rob me of anyone close to me. I was frightened that I will wake up one day and find someone missing. Morbid, I know but I find that a rational fear.
And somehow, we lost this fear when we are growing up, along with our naivety and innocence. Did we somehow thought the we could triumph over life/death? So silly of us.
Now, I just see it as another moment in life for me to gain insights and learn new things. We learn through joy, but most importantly, we better ourselves through moments of despair and utmost sadness.
& that's what I'll hold dear to me.
You enriched my life, even at the very last moment.
Life, to me, is not about ideal outcomes that you want. It's about adapting your mindsets to whatever shit life throws at you and making the best out of each.
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At the end of the day, through it all, I still want to say, I feel very blessed. Newer Posts
