Saturday, November 19, 2011
Chapter 253:
at 22:49
I started school feeling very apprehensive about friends & the friendships made/will be formed.I remember I kept questioning RuYi/Kristie, how well do new friends know me, & vice versa.
Coming to 19 years, I just kept thinking how could they say they know me when they missed out on so much. & to not have experienced anything with me.
I admit, I was biased. Having been through a rough patch, I couldn't understand how they could say they "know me" when I even deliberately commit sin of omission 'cause it just wasn't time to let it out, & that it would just make things awkward.
And this just struck me in the head:
It does not matter how much of my past they do not know. Any past event that would have mattered would already have been internalised into me, & as long as they do know me, it doesn't really matter, does it?
They may have never seen/heard me wept, but incidents which I wept over taught me lessons that became guiding principles of my life, and essentially who I am.
& perhaps, I should just stop over-thinking things. HAHAHAHA.
But anyway, conclusion: As long as they are true to you, it's fine.
As contrast to "friends" who only use you when they see the need, it's doesn't seem to matter very much, aye?
And I think I should promise myself to not let myself be used again.
But sometimes, I wish I could just tell them, don't come looking for me when you need my help, 'cause you know what? Once I see you as a friend, not a mere acquaintant, I find it extremely hard to say no. & why do you have to abuse this right then?
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