Friday, May 27, 2011
Chapter 227:
at 21:41
You know how something major happens out of the blue that you can't get it into the system till 24 hours later?
If it's something joyous, it's great. But what if it ain't?
What if it's something you have to live with (or rather, without) for the rest of your life?
What if it makes you feel so alone, standing on a stranded island?
It's really not okay. I try so hard to be, but after 10 days of normalcy, I feel so empty. Feel so empty laughing with people, cheering people on (for ns, for relationships or whatever) when I can't even tell myself it'll be fine.
It's ludicrous, but I feel like screaming at myself when I make jokes, when I laugh. I feel guilty for doing enjoyable things because I just don't think I deserve to do it. I feel guilty for not crying, yet I don't want to cry.
I feel nervous that I just accepted the university course knowing you won't be there on graduation day.
Even if I tell myself shit happens to the tougher people, I want to push this responsibility away. I want my sheltered life, I want to stop making myself count every single blessings to be optimistic 'cause it just isn't so.
I miss you so much & yet there's nothing I can do. Really nothing at all. Newer Posts
